Updated 3/16/20
Much has changed since this article was published. Utah school schools have closed for several weeks. Events are being canceled and business are temporarily shutting down.
Updates can be found on the Utah Coronavirus Task Force twitter account as well as KUTV’s list of cancellations and closures affecting Utah residents.
If you have not yet created your COVID-19 Co-Parenting plan, we urge you work on one as soon as possible.
Parents I talk to right now are afraid of the COVID-19 Coronavirus and what it might mean to their children and their already fragile co-parenting relationships.
A proper plan keeps your family safe by minimizing unexpected situations. It helps reduce exposure by enabling everyone to take quick action without wasting time on deliberations or arguments.
Dealing with the effects of COVID-19 such as financial hardship, shortages caused by panic buying, and travel restrictions are already stressful. Coming up with a co-parenting plan to address the uncertainty might seem overwhelming, but it can be simplified if you focus on these 3 important issues.
Three Issues To Plan For
- Decision Making & Legal Custody
- Parent Time
- Child Support & Medical Expenses
In order to talk about this, I have set out below a Case Profile. This is just one possible, or even perhaps very likely scenario. There are endless variations on this set of facts. The COVID-19 virus may affect many families in many different ways. When the family is TWO families in two separate households, things are bound to lead to arguments.
Case Profile
Mom has primary custody of three children with Dad having extensive parent-time of approximately 40% of the overnights in the course of a year: 1/2 of the holidays, 1/2 of the summer, school year weekends from Friday after school to Monday morning drop-off at school and a weekly overnight on Tuesdays. Mom and Dad share joint legal custody, which is joint decision-making on significant matters that effect the children. They are supposed to attend mediation if they cannot agree.
Mom is remarried and has two children with her new husband. Dad is remarried as well. Both parents work.
One of Mom’s children with her new husband came home from school and has tested positive for COVID-19, the current novel coronavirus. Mom and her husband do not have health insurance for their children and therefore are not inclined to send the infected child to the hospital if they can help it.
Dad’s new wife works in a hospital and is currently waiting for her results from a COVID-19 test. Even if not sick now, she is working in a COVID-19 unit. Dad’s company has shut down for the next two months because of the impact of the coronavirus, putting all of the employees on furlough without pay. Dad does not have the option to work at home.
Dad wants all three of his children out of Mom’s house NOW and to stay with him (without parent-time for Mom) until everyone in Mom’s house tests negative for the virus twice. Because he and his wife work during the day, Dad plans to send the children to school without quarantining them for two weeks at his house even though they have clearly been in contact with their half-sibling who is infected. Mom does not agree that she should be unable to see her children for what could be several weeks or months. Dad tells Mom that he is unable to pay child support for the two months that he is furloughed and that Mom will have to cover any out-of-pocket medical expenses for their children if they do fall sick.
Mom wants to go to mediation to discuss but Dad is unwilling to go. He is afraid that Mom carries the virus and will make him sick.
Legal Custody and Decision Making Power
The parents share legal custody in this case. They are supposed to make decisions together and mediate if they cannot do so.
Firstly, there are mediators available (like myself) who will do mediations using digital platforms that do not require that anyone come in contact with anyone else. So these parents should immediately schedule a mediation with someone who offers e-mediations.
Secondly, there are some immediate problems that cannot wait for mediation. Should Dad immediately be given temporary custody of the three children? Should those children be quarantined or be permitted to go back to school the next day and risk spreading the coronavirus to others? Who gets to decide the answer to these questions?
We recommend that you and your ex come up with a plan NOW, in advance of any actual emergency. Work together yourselves or attend mediation NOW in anticipation of a problem. It will be worth the hour or two that it may take.
YOU CAN USE THIS CASE PROFILE to talk to the other parent and explore a plan. It is unwise to wait until something happens and have to deal with the situation in a panic.
For example, get on the same page about quarantining children if someone in either family is infected with COVID-19. Have a plan for who will care for the children if they must be home from school.
In this case profile, Dad’s wife is working with infected patients. As soon as she was assigned to that work, these parents could have met to talk about the issues and what that means for both families. When your children go back and forth between two households, illness like the coronavirus affects both households. It is not advisable to take the position that it is not the other parent’s business what happens in your home. While that is usually true, in this unusual situation, it IS the other parents business because of your mutual children and the risk of spreading infection.
If you cannot get on the same page, attend mediation with a court-rostered mediator. He or she can help you write up a plan.
Custody and Parent-Time
If one of the parents is infected with the coronavirus or one of the parties’ mutual children, does parent-time still happen? How?
Be Reasonable
Realize that this is an emergency situation. Whatever you agree to do during the COVID-19 outbreak is not permanently changing your custody and parent-time orders.
You may have to forfeit some parent-time in order to keep your children safe. You may have to temporarily let the other parent be custodial parent and you have little or no parent-time.
Arrange virtual time using a digital platform. You can video chat, or play games like chess or Minecraft online.
Remember, the situation is not permanent.
Your court orders still rule the day but that might not be what is best for your families.
Free Video Chat Services
Put It In Writing
Whatever agreement you make, put it in writing and make sure to include language that says when the temporary written agreement will end.
Such as, “this agreement will end when no one test positive for COVID-19 in either household” or “this agreement ends when we all return to work and school” or whatever the case may be.
Child Support and Out-of-Pocket Medical Expenses
If one parent’s income is impacted because of the coronavirus, does that mean child support changes?
No, but possibly. Let me explain.
The flat answer is no. Temporary changes in income are not grounds to modify child support.
However, if a parent has the children unexpectedly for a different number of overnights than usual, it may reduce child support. This only applies when the parties are not already on the joint custody child support worksheet.
Parents whose child support was calculated using the joint custody child support worksheet (such as those in our case profile) will not be permitted a temporary change of child support. But if a parent’s child support amount was calculated using the sole custody worksheet, Utah Code Annotated section 78B-12-216 states:
“The base child support award shall be (a) reduced by 50% for each child for time periods during which the child is with the noncustodial parent by order of the court or by written agreement of the parties for at least 25 of any 30 consecutive days of extended parent-time; or (b) 25% for each child for time periods during which the child is with the noncustodial parent by order of the court, or by written agreement of the parties for at least 12 of any 30 consecutive days of extended parent-time.”
This does not apply for regular or holiday parent-time.
And regardless of the situation, Utah Code provides that both parties pay 1/2 of out-of-pocket medical costs for the children unless your Court Orders specifically say otherwise.
While Mom, in our case profile above, might agree to allow Dad to delay his payment for those bills for now, that would be totally up to her. If she agrees, make sure it is in writing.
We welcome any and all questions. Feel free to leave a comment below, or contact us.
You have shared useful information in this blog.
Please help. I am the custodial parent of two minor kids with joint custody with my ex. I registered my kids to school for in-person class since kids asked for going back to school and I need to work in the office. My ex disagreed with the decision, and contacted the school that he will not let kids attend school during his parent time. Meanwhile, he asked me for extra months of parent time because kids stayed with me during the COVID-19 outbreak. He asked me to keep kids so his mother won’t get any risk of being infected. After all, kids stayed with me for about 2.5 months doing home school while I WFH. I disagreed with his extra months of parent time request and chose to stick with the parent time listed on the court order. Based on the court order that I have the legal rights to make final decisions when both parties have disagreement. For his situation, he works during his parent time and prefers to have his mother (75ys old) whom doesn’t even understand ABCs takes care of my kids for online home school. In my opinion, both of my kids want to attend school in-person, and they do not want to stay at his place with the grandma who cannot communicate with them at all. In this case, he cannot take care of kids for online home schooling but refuses to let kids attend school during his parent time. As a result, my kids will be absent for school for days and weeks. What should I do?
If one parent contracts covid and four days later is saying they are totally fine and can have their time with their child…. What rights does the other parent have? This is a shared custody case. The healthy parent is asking for papers from the Doctor confirming the sick parent is in fact well and not contagious and the infected parent has been ignoring the requests. With this being such a new situation the parent not infected would like to uplhold their parent agreement as much as possible but in this situation they worry for the safety of the child and the parent. Please help!
I live in California & I am
The primary parent that children stay with majority of the school calendar days and they stay with dad most of summer break.
Per agreement ( before Covid-19 ) kids were to stay with mom 1 week after last day of school for
Summer & go back
Home to mom 1 week before school resumes. With a week or two with mom inbetween summer breaks.
Orig the kids were to resume school first week of August so per agreement they were to return to mom end of July. With revised school days due to covid school has been postponed to start September.
Dad feels that “ summer breaK” is extended so therefore he is to keep the children until end of August instead of July
I forgot to ask, what do you think the right clarification on this situation is? I have asked the father since Covid was unprecedented and the school is postponed we figure out a temp custody for month of August where both parents an have time with kids. He is unwilling and has no plans to have kids visit mom since its “ his time”
My lawyer said no covid is not extra summer time stick with what reqular school schedule would have been
I’m looking for a consultation for joint custody. Other Parent uses the Pandemic from having my daughter to see me. He also stated he’s going to send my daughter to public school but yet he won’t let her see me. I said I don’t agree for our daughter go to public school as she has low immune system and gets sick all the time. He disagrees and says he will send her with out my consent even tho we both have joint custody. He doesn’t follow the court order. I would like mediation services.
I am in a similar situation, except I have sole legal and sole physical. My ex has notified me he is taking the kids to Florida for 4 weeks, flying on an airline that now flying at full capacity since July 1, and a layover in another heavily affected state. I can’t trust there will be any sincere social distancing because they are there to see his “side of the family”. Sometimes his parents have come to spend time with the kids here in UT, so I would really prefer that exposure vs. cross-country and extended family exposure. I am not trying to take away any time, just minimize their chances of getting exposed. That length of time in a state that is going crazy with infections worries me they would be stuck there and nothing I could do about it, or have any ability to be there to help them should they get sick. Because I have 100% custody, do my concerns have more teeth? Better options?
First of all thank you for this platform. My ex-husband is invoking his uninterrupted 1 week summer vacation time, per our parenting plan. The issue is that he wants to travel to his fathers house in Tennessee, to visit his dad and uncle, whom live together. He would be traveling from Tampa by car through 3 hot spot states, most of Florida, Georgia and half of Tennessee. He does not plan to social distance at his dads house, as they will be staying in the dads and uncles home. This is nonessential travel and increases the exposure of COVID to the children. Where I agree with our time share plan and his vacation time, I do not agree or condone the travel. Would this be considered child endangerment? Is there anything I can do? Thank you.
The first thought that comes to mind is that this, as you say, is NOT essential travel and is moving through hot spots. Based on that, consider filing Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). Courts in Utah are trying to hear expedited filings (many trials have been pushed off to the fall but important short-term requests are being heard.). There should be forms online and if that is overwhelming, ask counsel to help you file for a TRO. No attorney can guarantee success with TROs; they are not popular with judges, but they do meet an important need such as safety issues. In my mind, your situation is about safety and is likely to be considered by the court. Best of luck!
I am in a similar situation, except I have sole legal and sole physical. My ex has notified me he is taking the kids to Florida for 4 weeks, flying on an airline that now flying at full capacity since July 1, and a layover in another heavily affected state. I can’t trust there will be any sincere social distancing because they are there to see his “side of the family”. Sometimes his parents have come to spend time with the kids here in UT, so I would really prefer that exposure vs. cross-country and extended family exposure. I am not trying to take away any time, just minimize their chances of getting exposed. That length of time in a state that is going crazy with infections worries me they would be stuck there and nothing I could do about it, or have any ability to be there to help them should they get sick. Because I have 100% custody, do my concerns have more teeth? Better options?
My step daughters daycare was closed cause a child had Covid there, my daughter has since had a fever but the mother keeps taking to the mall, restaurants, the zoo and a water park all in the same week. She got tested for COVID yesterday and we are still waiting on results. My husband has 50/50 custody and has asked her mother repeatedly to keep her home but mother refuses. And we live in two different states, but my state has the custody case. What can we do?
My kids mother has traveled out of state, non essential. She also has our girls living with her, her mom and another old lady with health issues. Ahe has enrolled them back I. School for a summer program( non essential) without my consent as well as briging them back and forth from house hold to household. I have moved from. Ft lauderdale to melbourne where they live to get away from the covid and be closer to them with their brother. I also have a new born son from another woman ( my fiance) I am afraid since the oldest was is back in school, she will maybe spread covid. There are no safety precautions besides social distancing? With 8 year olds? I have called school and given them 50/50 joint legal paperwork and change of address form. They say I was not the registering parent so I can’t withdraw them. What do I do
My step sons mom has two of her boyfriends children coming to stay with her as of today from Canada, they don’t have to quarantine according to MN. Would we still have to send my step son back to his moms when they are “recommended” to quarantine? Also there are active cases of children getting COVID-19 in our town, she doesn’t believe that is putting our son at risk of getting covid-19 by transferring him back & fourth.
My husband has 3 children from his first marriage that we have on the weekends. During the week their mother is not following recommend guidelines, traveling to different states without following the recommendations for quarantine after, having parties, allowing sleepovers, spending time with symptomatic people right before she drops them off and is not sharing any of this information with us. We have an asthmatic son who was hospitalized less than a year ago for a respiratory illness. His pediatrician said he was at a higher risk than most children for covid complications due to his health history. I’m unsure of how to fairly allow my husband to have his time with his children while keeping our son safe. Please help.
You need to have a safety plan with between your two households. If you can negotiate a plan that will keep both households safe, everyone wins. If you need help doing that, ask the Mom if she’s willing to attend mediation to discuss.
I live in Oregon and my kid’s father lives just across the border in Washington. I have custody of our 4 and 7 year old all week and every other weekend. Right before the coronavirus crisis, we mutually agreed to adjust our weekend schedule (trade weekends) to facilitate upcoming summer weekend events for the kids and I to participate in within our community with their classmates and friends. When we made the trade, I explicitly said that I only wanted to trade if it would mean our children would be with him weekends when his live-in girlfriend’s children were not living there (my ex’s girlfriend recently moved in with him; she has 50% custody of their two sons) as our kids were having trouble adjusting to the new larger household and experiencing some jealousy that the other children got to spend more time with their daddy. He the children’s weekends would alternate except for occasional swaps. Coronavirus hit and i went into survival mode, learning how to navigate online school for my older child while occupying my younger son, complete his speech therapy work, run a household solo on an income that dropped to zero practically overnight (I run an AirBnb and applied for unemployment a month ago but my application hasn’t even been processed yet because the backlog is so high and self-employed is lowest priority), and continue therapeutic strategies with my son (he was in play therapy for issues with sudden behavioral changes/sudden aggressive animosity toward me which ended suddenly with the Stay Home order). I found out two days ago that my ex hadn’t arranged for his girlfriend’s children to spend their custody time in his home on opposite weekends from our kids in accordance with our agreement and has had all four kids intermingling since early March. I requested he switch to alternating weekends per our agreement and he refused. Do I have any recourse to compel him to follow through with his guarantee that he would have the kids alternate weekends, particularly now that it means unnecessarily exposing both sets of kids to potential risk?
Thank you so much for your time.
Need advice: My 2 biological kids dad has moved back after living out of state for several years. He expects for regular visitation to pick right back up with the kids. My son n him had a fallen out conversation not to long ago so they don’t have a good relationship anymore and he doesn’t want to go at all. I remind you he is 17 years old. My daughter is 14 years old. My daughter doesn’t like to be mean or hurt peoples feelings so she is kind of flip flop about going but really doesn’t want to till after the new May 15th Stay Home Safe Order is up. I plan on filing papers to change visitation to where the judge can say its up to my kids if they want to go or not since there old enough to make a wise decision. Thoughts/ Opinions welcome. I’m not going to make them go if they don’t want to so the only thing he would try to do is also file papers to try to get me for contempt but I have alot on him and he just purposely got fired/laid off at work as well.
this is our situation almost exactly and same ages of my kids. wishing you all the best!
My niece has full custody of her 12 & 8 yr old boys she’s remarried and also has a 2 yr old and a 5 month old baby. Her to older children went to their dads and had been there all last week. He called herb Sunday night to tell her his sister whom also lives in the house has tested positive positive to covid 19 the problem is dad won’t stay home and and self isolate with his boys instead he still goes to work so who does this leave to care for his children the sister who is already positive. Dad tells mom he will take the boys when he gets off Monday night says because of the protest in SLC the test sites are closed down. He takes them in as promised to mom but still even after the three of them get tested dad still has no plans to stay home from work mom gets the children back even with this risk now dad wants to come get them again seriously mom says dad says I only have a runny nose. I guess this is the real question does she really haft to let them go again to once again be exposed to this deadly virus and then her other children and her and new hubby also exposed over and over. Will the courts find in her favor and allow them to remain with just mom tell dad’s sister has two negatives and if anyone else in the two house holds by chance test positive they need 2 negatives as well or will the courts side with dad and both family’s continue to be at risk.
I have a question my ex has sole custody I have every other weekend when the schools decided to permanently close for this school year we discussed and agreed to start the summer schedule of every other week trade off. Can she decide she doesn’t want to follow that any more and go back to the standard parenting plan we have in place because she is upset at me for something? Will I be in violation if I follow the written agreed conversation about starting the summer vacation now of week on week off?
Well my problem it my father’of my two boys has not paid child support for my boys seen 2016 and he owns me alot of money and he gets away with it I dont know how but he does and I’ am on social security disability so that leaves me with like little of nothing because he dont step up and do hes part and has not for years
Please advise. My stepdaughter (17) lives primarily with her mother, step father and half sibling. Her mother is a health care worker and tested positive for COVID-19. Since testing positive both her husband and my stepdaughter have contracted the illness. It has been 2 weeks since step daughter has had any symptoms but being she’s a teenager they don’t test and won’t re-test to confirm she is in fact negative of the virus. My husband was going to allow her to come over this weekend to our house where we have two children of our own. I told him not to allow her to come over and possibly subject the four of us to the virus. Am I wrong for not allowing her to come stay with us? I was under the impression (especially in our situation where there is no court ordered visitation and she is at the age where she drive and only visited when it was convenient for her) that the ones you have quarantined with are the ones whom you should continue to quarantine with until this stay at home order is lifted. Please advise me if I’m incorrect. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
I just got told by my ex today that I am removed because she has gone back on our agreement for our daughter to come to south carolina from pennsylvania for the summer . I was told that me insisting on her coming down was Drama and that I was not allowed to have say even though we have joint custody . She is now also forbidding me from calling my daughter , or even skyping with her . She is refusing to even let my mother visit her or call her . She has no legal recourse but because of being an out of stater pa considers me of less a person in court . I know it is against the law but they do . I wish I could have some help but no one will.
My daugher’s ex is currently in prison. If he gets out during the Covid19 issues, does she have to let my grandson see him?
My situation is a little different. Technically our custody order is void since he is now 19 years old. He resides (and his home is) with me, his mom. He has been home for over a month now staying away from everything on the outside (except for when he plays with his little brother outside who also lives with us). He hasn’t been able to see his father and his fathers son (my sons little brother) misses him. So my son feels obligated to go over there this weekend. Ive tried everything and he is still going. I have to make a decision if I will let him back in the house or if he will have to stay at his dads until the state reopens. 🙁 I don’t want to do that but what choice do I have? My husband and I are both essential and so is his father. His fathers two children have been going back and forth from their moms since this started. My son has type 1 diabetes and his father has type 2. I have expressed that underlying conditions can have a worser outcome then someone who is healthy but it doesn’t seem to matter. This really stinks.
Hello,
My husband and I are military. His ex wife is currently not working due to COVID-19. She wants his stimulus check. Even though child support is coming out every two weeks, she claims she needs more money. My question is, is my husband obligated to give her his stimulus check? There is nothing I. Writing that says he has to.
My son is 9months his mom will use anything to keep him away we just went to court before the virus started my question is should I get my son this weekend it’s just my wife and I no one comes over or nothing and then to top everything off baby momma still what child support to go through but don’t want me to have my son I don’t know what to do I miss my son
My ex husband lives with his 93 year old mother. Since schools closed mid March my 12 year old has been with me. His dad was visiting in the yard, playing catch, etc. and calling on FaceTime. I have encouraged the ex to call more and to do things outside with his son so they have time but his mom is not put at risk.
Now that it’s Easter and spring break the ex wants his son to go to his house for 5 days. I am very worried about the grandmother. Is there anything I can do?
My son has asthma, and I have two younger children who contracted COVID-19 while at their father’s as per our joint parenting agreement. I usually have all of my kids 5+ days out of the week, so I am paid child support.
Currently, my two younger children are quarantine with their dad’s and my older son (from a previous marriage) have been forced to move out of my parent’s (where we were living temporarily while my house was being renovated, to avoid exacerbating my eldest son’s asthma) in order to prevent spreading the virus to them (they are elderly and have underlying health conditions) on the off chance that we may have contracted anything through face to face conversation with my younger children’s father. My son and I are ok, for now. Neither of us have symptoms at all, but, my younger children are so, so sick. They cannot come home until they are symptom free for at least two weeks (my older son’s doc and recent reports are seeing that some are contagious for more than a month, however, so that’s still unclear).
I am unemployed, as is much of the country, but my younger kid’s dad is salaried, essential, and able to work from home. I am running out of money, but unsure, given the fact that he has the children full-time, at the moment, if he is going to pay child support. Had he not downplayed his symptoms, I, surely, would not have sent my little ones over for the regularly scheduled visitation. My question is, am I still entitled to support from the father of my younger children, as this current circumstance has happened due to his negligence? I would not have sent them over and I would not have had to move, had he told me he was exhibiting symptoms so indicative of the novel Caronavirus.
I live in NC with my Dad and my mom lives in Florida, can i still see her if state borders are closed?
I live in Utah. My fiance has visitation every other weekend with her son. I work in the jail. Her ex-husband seemed initially to be not taking covid-19 seriously, by allowing her son to have play dates and go to sleep overs. I take every precaution I can to make sure I don’t bring anything with me, from wearing my mask when I need to at work and immediately washing my hands after taking my gloves off. Taking showers as soon as I get home, etc. As soon as he heard there were people that had tested positive at the jail he message her to say he would be picking him up. I don’t want anyone to get sick,however, I fear he will be trying to use this as an excuse to take away her visitation.
At the start of this quarantine, my daughter was at my ex husband’s home. We share custody. He lives in Mass and I live in RI. Shortly after, RI has police at state boarders stopping anyone who comes in and they are immediately ordered to stay home and not leave their home for 14 days. Governor just announced today that this will go on at least until May 8. I have not seen her in 3 weeks already. Is there any way I can see her and not be completely quarantined for 14 days? I miss the hell out of her already. Another month is torture. I would go directly to her Dad’s and pick her up and come straight home
Meet your ex husband at the state line, somewhere on the boarder. Park a few feet away from each other. Have your daughter walk across the stateline from his car to your car, or have him hand her to you. Then neither of you have crossed. (Or, cross and dont tell anyone you crossed the stateline. ♀️ lol)
My daughter has been with her Dad, who lives at his moms house, since March 13th when this all really started.
We decided that since he lives with his 70 year old mother and our daughters school cancelled that being there rather than having her bounce back and fourth between our homes was the best bet. We don’t want his Mom to get sick, He’s still going to work every day, and my significant other also works in a gas station on the weekends. It just made the most sense to keep our kiddo at one house atleast until they lift the stay at home order in place in WI.
Is this over reacting? Everyone I talk to seems to think it makes no sense for my daughter to be at her Dads full time right now. But, it limits the exposure and logistically it makes the most sense seeing as how I am working from home and wouldn’t really be able to do that if my daughter (6) was at home with me.
Please help daughter purposely exposed to virus whileon weekend court ordered visit in Florida, dad work as construction engineer on government base and is also operating a home repair business during weekend visit time,. Father took my daughter seven and a another chilfd from another home that my daughter(7) and 3(daughter from another relationship) has not had contact with in weeks( and her status and household status unknown to us) to a friends home all day to watch ( whom my child has had no contact with and in another city in our state( disregarding the orders to shelter in place) and one of our states hot beds and exposed both children to the family of six and other visitors who fellowshiped at a home gathering( dad refused my contact until text and orderd restated at 8:45 at night. Police did welfare check to verify that father was not home and did not return with the girl until after ten pm( ignoring a curfew) and then took both girls the next morning to a private residence to sit in a vehicle while he worked on a roof and the children were left with no ( ac my daughter eventually turned it on) my daughter had to leave the work truck to use the resident owners restroom facilities. Prior to this father has taken children to homesites( during his limited visits daytime only visits) and to visit with friend despite warnings to lessen contact prior to 3/22, which was his last visit before this past weekend 4/3 when he started overnights again. I and my family(and a grandmother who is local and has isolated with us since the schools closings) have been sheltering in place long before the state ordered and keeping to our general neighborhood and one another, practicing social distancing,only traveling necessarily and usually leaving kids in car or home while I dash out( I have a teenage son)washing hands etc. The father and I live two minutes from one another and I am home as I work for the school my daughter attends down the street from our homes.The father was addressed about the request to work together seeing that there where concerns about exposure in regards to his other child’s home, him working in more than one place outside the home and his refusal to comply with previous orders or agree to anything in regards to a plan for continued safety of our homes and my daughter. I will not be sending her back due to this reckless behavior and though my daughters word and the well fare check and prior disregarded behavior in the past weeks and in general is my only evidence I don’t want to ignore the greater continued risk as it appears he does not care and is not taking this serious and actually putting us all at risk. I don’t want to guinea pig my daughter, son , self or recently widowed grandmother whom I check in on now at even greater distance and who also lives in our neighborhood. I mean I don’t want my child or anyone to get ill and perish because of this. I do not know if I should quarantine her, get her tested, it is just not right. She was okay before she left here.
Please help daughter purposely exposed to virus while on temporary mediation agreed upon weekend court ordered visits in Clearwater, Florida. dad work as construction engineer on government base and is also operating a home repair business during weekend visit time,. Father took my daughter seven and a another child from another home that my daughter(7) and 3(daughter from another relationship) has not had contact with in weeks( and her status and household status unknown to us) to a friends home all day to watch ( whom my child has had no contact with and in another city in our state( disregarding the orders to shelter in place and not to mention not feeding children) and one of our states hot beds and exposed both children to the family of six and other visitors who fellowshiped at a home gathering( dad refused my contact until text and orderd restated at 8:45 at night. Police did welfare check to verify that father was not home and did not return with the girl until after ten pm( ignoring a curfew) and then took both girls the next morning to a private residence to sit in a vehicle while he worked on a roof and the children were left with no ( ac my daughter eventually turned it on) my daughter had to leave the work truck to use the resident owners restroom facilities. Prior to this father has taken children to homesites( during his limited visits daytime only visits) and to visit with friend despite warnings to lessen contact prior to 3/22, which was his last visit before this past weekend 4/3 when he started overnights again. I and my family(and a grandmother who is local and has isolated with us since the schools closings) have been sheltering in place long before the state ordered and keeping to our general neighborhood and one another, practicing social distancing,only traveling necessarily and usually leaving kids in car or home while I dash out( I have a teenage son)washing hands etc. The father and I live two minutes from one another and I am home as I work for the school my daughter attends down the street from our homes.The father was addressed about the request to work together seeing that there where concerns about exposure in regards to his other child’s home, him working in more than one place outside the home and his refusal to comply with previous orders or agree to anything in regards to a plan for continued safety of our homes and my daughter. I will not be sending her back due to this reckless behavior and though my daughters word and the well fare check and prior disregarded behavior in the past weeks and in general is my only evidence I don’t want to ignore the greater continued risk as it appears he does not care and is not taking this serious and actually putting us all at risk. I don’t want to guinea pig my daughter, son , self or recently widowed grandmother whom I check in on now at even greater distance and who also lives in our neighborhood. I mean I don’t want my child or anyone to get ill and perish because of this. I do not know if I should quarantine her, get her tested, it is just not right. She was okay before she left here. The order currently being used is temporarily granted because he violated final order and lost rights to visit for the past year, he has only had a hand full of visits
I am so sorry to hear that I live in Tuscaloosa Alabama I am going through the same problem I have two kids of my own and I have sole custody of them is going on 6 weeks now and I haven’t heard nothing from my kids or their mother I have found with the courthouse for emergency hearing I have talked to the sheriff department five times and they tell me over and over this is a silver matter the judge have to sign off but I have paperwork stating that I am so custody of them and primary of them used to non-custodial parent I talked to my lawyer she put me in for contempt of court I put a missing report on Facebook 2 weeks ago my son called me within 4 hours after the postman I’m trying to get him to tell me where he athe told me he was going to his mama house that wasn’t the truth because I went down there personally myself wasn’t nobody there a week have went past waiting for the court how to reopen she won’t let me speak directly to him she’s texting for them I am a parent I know how my kids text they have stacks and stacks of homework I have got in touch with the school to let them know what’s going on I did everything to try to get help I don’t know what else to do because I don’t know where they’re at I’ve been out night and day driving through Tuscaloosa trying to see if I can just run into them catch them playing at somebody’s house their mother won’t respond at all if I can just hit a boy let me know if they or still alive anyting to show proof of life I know the dangers of being eye contact with people with this virus if I can just get somebody to help me find a location I will go get them she gave the she gave the county court how’s the wrong address fake address I am terrified antibody do a person like that if anybody can help me please I’m begging all I am trying to get people to understand if she get served how you going to serve her when you don’t know what she is
My ex is asking to adjust child support payments. He lost his job in August 2019 making $144,000 per year. I was told that his employer let him go because his wife took a job in another state and they knew that he was looking for a job there as well. They did not renew his one year contract. He has since been receiving unemployment compensation since August 2019. ($600 per week by his account) Which may or may not be coming to an end. ??? Corona Virus extension? He has also accepted an online teaching position earning roughly $280 per week but does not seem to be able to land a better paying full-time job. He has asked that rather than filing with the Office of Recovery Services to adjust child support at this time, that instead, we use the Utah Child Support calculator to adjust payments and come to an agreement on our own. He claims that if we file with the Office of Recovery Services that we will not be able to make adjustments for my benefit for 3 years if/when he finds a better paying full-time job, but that if we do this on our own, we can increase it on our own when his circumstances improve.
To me, some of this sounds reasonable if there is a 3-year adjustment hold and he starts making more money. Also, is it possible that a reduction in alimony could come into play if he files with them? How about the current court order that he pays $90 month for the children’s health insurance through my company? Could that all of a sudden be on the table too?
What am I risking here either way I step? I am in need of advice on how to proceed.
Thank you so much for your time!
Don’t do anything “on your own”. Make sure it all goes thru the court so it is enforceable and so they collect and distribute the payments to you.
Hello. My ex and I have been fighting ever since they cancelled school on if we should start our summer schedule since they declared school is over. I say yes so he can spend more time with his kids and he says no. Our parenting plan say the last day of the school is when the summer schedule is suppose to start. I know its not summer yet,but he does not work and I am struggling as a healthcare worker to find care for my children. He has been a butt about helping out this whole time.. Idk what legal action I can do.. what do you think?
I am in the same predicament but other way around!! I want to be fair but also want to keep my kids in the routine as long as possible.
My grandson’s came to stay with me in the country 3 weeks ago to keep them away from any social contact due to Covid 19. My daughter is primary as they live with her. Their Dad, who gets them every other weekend and Wed. nights, worked up until last week. He didn’t have a problem with them coming here to stay safe. Now he says he’s going to come get them to go live with him. He does not practice good social distancing, and since he is laid off does not want to pay child support. Since my daughter is primary, and they both agreed that the boys should be here with me in the country, can I keep him from coming to my house to take the boys? I am also home schooling the boys since school is closed indefinitely. I am very worried about their health and safety if they go with him.
Primary custody does not allow that parent to decide to sever the other parent’s parent-time. The fact that you do not have orders putting the children in your care means you have no power to keep the children.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
i have full physical custody of my kids and my ex husband has visitation every other week. He hasnt seen the kids in months( the kids are teens and work). We rotate odd and even years who claims the kids on taxes. who gets the covid 19 stimulus money? The parent who has the kids living with them full time or the parent who claims them on taxes? My ex husband claimed them in 2019.
It is my understanding that the stimulus is being based on 2019 taxes, and if not yet filed, then on 2018. If your husband filed in 2019 and your most recent filing is 2018, it could result in each of you getting a check for the kids! If that were to happen, I would assume the IRS made a mistake and is going to be asking for that money back.
Where the check for the child goes and who is entitled to the stimulus money is, in my mind, two separate questions. If a party is behind on child support, logically, the entire check should go to the parent who is owed child support. For everyone else, it seems a far division based income and time with the children during this pandemic might be negotiated. The government offers us no guidance on the that! Logically it seems to me though that if the child is with parent A during the pandemic and the check goes to parent B during the pandemic, that is an unfair result.
Unfortunately, I foresee future fighting about these stimulus checks for the children. The judges are not going to be happy so try to come to a fair resolution if at all possible.
My sons dad and I have 50/50 custody, but since his dad is remarried and I am not (yet), his dad has claimed him on his taxes for this year and last year. I believe we should split the stimulus money evenly, but his dad is saying he’s entitled to the whole thing because its a tax benefit and we each get our own tax money and never split it. Is there anything I can do to get help on having someone rule that we split the money? I have no idea who to contact about this.
My ex claimed my daughter who is 16 on his taxes with out my permission or a form 8332. When I went to file for the stimulus it denied me from claiming her. He has not got her since june 2019 and hasn’t paid support since September 2019. He doesn’t have a job. I told him that he should give her the money since we pay her schooling and uniforms and have paid everything else. I don’t know how to get him to just give her the money since it’s not rightfully his it’s meant for her. He did get a paper stating his 1200 went to child support but that and his tax check will pay off his child support for his first child (my daughter) and his 3rd child who he wont visit with for about 6 years now. I don’t know what I can legally do since he had no permission. But really just want that money to go towards her since she doesn’t get anything from him. Literally anything no birthday or Christmas or anything his ex wife use to get her things but she couldn’t bring them home and that lasted a year or two. What can I do.
Here is a letter that was published by the commissioners in my district here in Davis County. You might find it helpful in answering your question……
As parties have begun receiving money pursuant to the federal stimulus package,
questions are coming in regarding the court’s position on whether these funds should be divided and, if so, how. The court must be cognizant at all times of offering advisory opinions on issues that are not before the court, which would be expressly prohibited by the Code of Judicial Conduct. However, in our ongoing effort to assist parties and practitioners, the following information is provided. Thanks must be given at this point to Commissioner Morgan, who did extensive research on the issue and was able to rely on his background as a former employee of the IRS.
Put simply, in the majority of cases the federal stimulus money is not free money. It is a credit against taxes that might be owed in 2020; it’s simply being given early in an effort to stimulate the economy. This is pursuant to the new section 6428 of the tax code, which specifically says, “there shall be allowed as a credit against tax imposed . . . for the first taxable year beginning in 2020 . . . .” As of now, the IRS hasn’t promulgated rules regarding 2020 taxes and how this payment would be taken into account.
We also must consider the fact that the tax credit’s payment will be based on either a party’s 2018 or 2019 tax filing, depending on whether the party in question has filed their 2019 taxes. Both the tax code and Utah’s statutes contain various provisions regarding eligibility to claim children for tax purposes. This means that the tax credit will be paid depending on the vagaries of the parties’ individual orders, being current in support obligations, and other statutory provisions.
The bottom line is that the determination of who got the money in the first place, as determined by the IRS, is based on multiple complex factors. Given that the money is merely a credit towards a party’s future tax obligation, we would be reluctant to reallocate the funds in some different manner. People who merely view the funds as “free money” may feel this is unfair, particularly if a non-custodial parent receives the $500 per child because 2019 was their turn to claim the child(ren). If anyone claimed the child(ren) who didn’t have the right to may be addressed during the normal enforcement proceedings. Otherwise, the money received is that party’s own money, just paid now rather than via lessening of their 2020 tax obligation.
We wish all of you our best and hope that this is helpful.
Commissioner Catherine S. Conklin
Commissioner Christina L. Wilson
Commissioner T.R. Morgan
Hello, question for this as welll and given the time there is little to no information about our child custody at this time. The weekend when all the virus’s were hitting and schools were closed, my child’s father decided it would be a good time to go on spring break in Florida. His parents (who take care of my daughter primarily) went to Vegas at the same time. Once he got back, he started talking to a new girl he met on tinder and has been hanging out with her. We have been issued a shelter in place order (PA) and I haven’t left the house for any reason the last 3 weeks except for groceries once. My ex spends the weekends with this new girl and still goes to work everyday taking no precautions what so ever. He has refused to social distance and follow any CDC recommendations at all. He actually claimed “the quarantine period was over.” With that being said, I am deathly afraid to send her to him and do I have the right to keep her and not send her with him if he is not taking any precautions or this whole situation seriously at all?
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
My fiance has sole legal custody and primary physical placement of his daughter. Mom gets periods of placement each weekend for visitation. Our oldest son has cerebral palsy and is at risk for severe symptoms if he catches the virus. My step daughters mother is still taking her other kids places. For example the first weekend of the stay at home order when we did not our daughter leave with her – she promised they weren’t going to go anywhere, just stay home. The next day she was messaging my step daughter that she was on her way to grandma’s house to bring her food because grandma was high risk and couldn’t leave. She then video messaged our daughter from inside grandma’s house with her two kids inside as well. It is obvious she does not understand the seriousness of this pandemic or the proper precautions. We do not want to risk sending our daughter with her to have her bring the virus back to our son. Doesn’t sole legal custody give my fiance the right to make decisions regarding our daughter’s safery during a state of emergency?
In my experience, decision making authority does not include the ability to decide to cease or modify parent-time. If it did, the courts wouldn’t bother entering parent-time orders because the decision-making parent could just change them. That power is not going to help you here.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
Hello. My ex wife is refusing to bring my daughter to me on the arranged day. She is claiming she feels she won’t be safe here, so I won’t be able to see her until all of this blows over. Is she allowed to do this? What should I do?
Is your home high risk for any particular reason? If not and you have court orders to have parent-time, you should be having it. Neither parent is entitled to decide to suspend the other parent’s time.
In cases where a parent’s home is high risk, I could see a cautious parent refusing to allow parent-time. I don’t know that a court will support it, but it’s an arguable position. In your case, it sounds like it’s just a pretext for refusing your parent-time.
If your jurisdiction is under stay-at-home orders right now that can cause custodial parents to think that parent-time is not permitted. In some states the state governor has in fact said that parent-time can be virtual rather than in person. Look at any orders issued by the government in your state or county. f
Further complicating things is the issue of what are police officers doing in mandatory stay-at-home jurisdictions? If either parent and child leave his or her home to do an exchange, there is a possibility an officer could stop you and tell you that he or she is not allowing the exchange to occur.
Unfortunately, we have NO direction on how states, counties, and cities are handling parent-time under stay-at-home orders.
You can demand your parent-time and ask for make-up time for the time you missed, but realize that the courts are going to be slow to address any wrongs. Keep documentation so that when the time comes, you can prove that you took a reasonable position and she did not. It may help you in court at a later date.
Please come back to the blog and let me know if you have are stopped by officers when attempting parent-time exchanges. I am attempting to compile data about this issue and would love feedback.
Best of luck, stay safe.
Single father of my 9 yr old son, I have 100% residential custody and his mother gets him 3 weekends a month 5pm Fri. To 5pm Sun. I have decided that it’s not worth the risk of sending him to his mother’s 6 days out of month, my state is under state wide stay at home orders! I’m now being threatened by her that she is coming with police to get him. I’ve tried reasoning and talking but just yelled at of playing games being mean. She is also on heart transplant list and at risk as immune system very weak, I say that as his time with his mother very important, but my responsibility to keep my son safe!
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
Having an issue as well. My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my 3 & 5 year old. I have an immunocompromised 5 month old from my new marriage. We are in NY and my ex isn’t following any CDC guidelines or social distancing measures. My children are constantly exposed to multiple people as well as him operating his non-essential business currently. Them going back and forth is incredibly dangerous to my 5 month olds health. My husband and I haven’t left our home in over 2 weeks. He won’t let me keep the children here full time and said he would tell the police I’ve kidnapped them, so I’ve had to make the difficult decision to leave them at his home, and he’s now claiming I’ve abandoned them even though I’ve done everything possible to ask him to compromise as well as stop exposing the children. I’ve offered to keep them with me for a month, then with him with for a month, but he’s adamant we follow the custody schedule even though he’s refusing to socially distance. I’m worried for my childrens health. I’ve contacted CPS and they are of no help either.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
What if I do work in a hospital? And my ex is making decisions with her lawyer I don’t agree with. She’s refusing to let me see them and any precautions I take she’s not changing or compromising at all. I’ve left the floor where I had contact, work on a clean unit now. She wont budge. I’m thinking of using my loa to see my kids. This also isn’t the first time, ocver the past three months she’s tried several times to keep me from seeing my kids.
I have custody of my foster daughter and she has a sister that is in foster care in another city. Her bip parents are also in different cities we all at ranging between 100 and 200 miles apart. The bio parents get visits every other weekend. They go the sisters go with the bio mom on Saturday stay overnight then we have to pick them up to meet drop off with the bio dad for 8 hours. We all drive to one a certain meeting point each day. With this virus, I dont think its wise to do the visits right now due to the fact we are blend up to 5 different households of people and 4 cities. They are threatening contempt. Would this be more then the average visitation. I feel like it’s a huge risk for the children and everyone involved.
Though your situation is more complicated, it is also more dangerous (number of people involved for parent-time) and more legally complicated (you are a foster parent not a bio or adopted parent).
But I think you fall into the same category in terms of your options. All parents (and FOSTER PARENTS!) struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
Hello, my childrens father is ordered to pay child support by the courts(I am the custodial parent), but due to the virus going around he is not able to work, and i dont want him incarcerated bc it will do no good if he is, so my question is , will the judge modify his order or could he still be facing contempt of court for not making payments?
You’ll have to check the law regarding child support modification in your jurisdiction. I’ll give you the example of Utah law in order to help think about how this works.
To modify child support under Utah law, the change in income can’t be “temporary.”
In Utah, upon receiving a petition to modify child support, “the court shall, taking into account the best interests of the child:
(i) determine whether a substantial change has occurred;
(ii) if a substantial change has occurred, determine whether the change results in a difference of 15% or more between the payor’s ordered support amount and the payor’s support amount that would be required under the guidelines; and
(iii) adjust the payor’s ordered support amount to that which is provided for in the guidelines if:
(A) there is a difference of 15% or more; and
(B) the difference is not of a temporary nature.”
So in Utah, if the change in income is permanent, he would have the right to ask for modification of the child support order if child support would change by 15%.
In your jurisdiction there will be some similar provision. Talk to local attorneys or the division of child support (sometimes called The Office of Recovery Services).
Best of luck and stay safe.
My name is Melissa. I share joint custody with my ex husband. I have my two children with him and we have our custody schedule arranged so that one week he has them and then I have them the next. I work at a hospital and have exposure to Covid 19 patients. I work about 2 nights a week. I do the best I can to try to minimize taking it home…changing my clothes at work before going home and showering immediately once I get home. My ex husband is concerned about my children’s well being and wants to have full custody. In a situation like this what is the best way to go about this. I am also remarried and have an 8 yr old at home with me full time. His argument is that his job policy states if he is in contact with someone exposed to covid 19 that he has to quarantine for 2 weeks every time he gets my kids before returning back to work. So he is missing out on work. He is also remarried and his wife is claiming the same thing at her job.
Has he shown you the written policy?
You have to access your risk. He doesn’t have the right to decide that he should have full custody during the virus outbreak.
So now you have to decide what to do. Maybe don’t do so much back and forth. Maybe two weeks on two weeks off. Or maybe one month with Dad and then a month with you. You have to decide what is the safest thing for your family.
But the good news is that he doesn’t get to dictate to you what will happen. It would be great though if you could both work together to come up with an equal parent-time schedule that leaves you with the exact same amount of time with your kids but maybe in a schedule that makes both of you feel more safe.
I share 50/50 custody of our 5 year old daughter. Since the pandemic hit, my ex husband stated that to minimize her exposure she should stay in one household. I agreed to this and that we would video chat often. It has now been 3 weeks and he is missing her understandably. He now wants to transition back to his house this weekend and I am hesitant as now the number of cases of my state has gone up by 100 since we had talked about keeping her in one house to minimize her exposure. He is still working full-time although not working directly with clients and I am only working 10 hours a week for the time being with no other interaction from anyone in my office. He also has a girlfriend that he spends most of his time with that has a 9 year old son. I’m not sure how to reason with him that it is still in the best interest of her to stay in one house to minimize her exposure. What would be the best way to navigate this situation?
Hi there ,
Me and my ex share the children’s responsibilities but because I louve in Devon and he lives in London , I normally drop the kids at his house once a month .
Now because of the virus he didn’t see the children for more than a month and he misses them but I am very much scare of all this at the moment .
He ask me to drop the children at half way point between Devon and London so he could have the children for 4 days as he is working from home at the moment .
Because of all the travelling I am worried and also the exposure in London as there is so many people infected there . What is the best way to solve this ?
Merely having coronavirus cases in either parent’s area is not enough in most cases.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
My daughter has asthma and is at higher risk of the virus. I have joint custody with her dad and found out he’s taking her to his girlfriends mom and dads for dinner and her grandma’s house. Therefore he’s not following state wide stay at home guidelines and putting her at risk. What can I legally do to stop this?
Merely having coronavirus cases in either parent’s area is not enough in most cases.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
HI there,
I have been dating a man for 14 months who lives in my same state but is 2.5 hours a day.Is it not responsible for us to see each other. I have a 14 yo son I see one week on one week off, he has an 11 year old son he sees every other weekend.
Thank you
In Utah, the orders of the state would not support traveling to see each other- the Governor is discouraging all unnecessary movement from county to county.
Your jurisdiction is probably doing something similar. However, if you both institute rigorous safety measures, it should put all of the parents of these two kids at ease that the children will no be infected. However, if I were a parent of these kids, I’d want to see a written plan of the steps being taken by all parties to keep the kids from getting coronavirus and from carrying the virus to other other parent’s household.
I live in San Diego, CA and the noncustodial parent is incarcerated. I have full custody of the children and I believe he filed 2018 taxes. I know that there is an offset of the COVID-19 stimulus and back child support. I haven’t been receiving support for a year now would the child support office collect that stimulus and provide it to custodial as payment?
I would contact the child support office and the IRS and try to make absolutely sure that that check goes to you rather than him since he owes you child support. Another option would be to make sure you file in 2019 claiming the child (assuming your court orders allow you to). The IRS is going to 2019 taxes first and then looking to 2018 if the person has not filed for 2019. It is possible that your filing for 2019 could help stop a check from going to him. (There’s also the possibility you’d both get a check and then he’d have to return the money). It seems you have every claim to the children’s stimulus money since you will be providing all of the care of the children during the pandemic.
My stepsons mother passed away recently. Her husband had already filed taxes and claimed my stepson on his taxes. My stepson is now living with me and my husband (his father). What will happen with the stimulus money for my stepson now?
Unfortunately, I’m in a very similar situation, and am curious to know myself
If the child’s step-father filed for taxes in 2019 claiming him, he is likely to get the check. However, if the most recent filing your family has done is 2018, and you claimed him in 2018, you are also likely to get a check. The bad news is that this would be considered an error by the IRS and one of you would have to give the money back.
You have a legitimate claim to the child’s stimulus money in that he is living with you during the pandemic. I’m going to assume that step-father has no court ordered time with the child.
For people who are sharing parent-time during the pandemic, it seems a far division based income and time with the children might be negotiated. The government offers us no guidance on the that! Logically it seems to me though that if the child is with parent A during the pandemic and the check goes to parent B during the pandemic, that is an unfair result.
Unfortunately, I foresee future fighting about these stimulus checks for the children.
I am hoping for some advice. I am diabetic and have to be very careful. My ex and I have 50/50 custody and switch off every other week. I decided to shelter in place 3 weeks ago. At the time of our switch off day my youngest ended up coming home with my but my oldest asked me to let her stay with her dad because he was still working and she was afraid of exposing me… she is a very anxious little one. So I have not seen my oldest for 3 weeks and my youngest has not seen her father. He is an essential worker and is still working minimal hours a week doing construction inside people’s homes. I want to see my other child and my youngest wants to see her dad and sister. Is it safe for us to go back to our regular schedule if Dad is only going out for work and following all safety protocols? Or is better for us to try and whether this storm?
If you both feel that you’ve done your very best to follow safety protocols, it would probably benefit your kids to spend some time with the other parent. But that is a call that only you and he can make!!!! Since he goes out into the world, he really needs to be able to articulate the precautions he takes and figure out if they are adequate for you.
The thing I like here is that you two are working together for the safety of each other and your family!!!! KUDOS!!!!!
Hi, our daughter lives with me (custodial parent) and my family in Houston and my ex wife (non-custodial parent) lives in Dallas. Since our daughter is in home school, my ex is demanding that she goes to Dallas for a couple weeks. I do not think this is a good idea at the moment due to the virus and the need to be quarantined. Typically, our daughter would be in school and this time frame is not usually the time frame in which our daughter visits her mom. She is stating that I am “keeping her from her”. Am I doing something wrong here?
AJ- as the non custodial parent living far away from my kids, I can say that your ex just wants to help and be with the kids too. Technically you’re not “doing anything wrong” cause you are following your orders. But it would mean the world to her and the kids if you shared and worked with her during the scary time. My ex in Ca is not allowing me access at all to help with the schooling or come in from Colorado outside of my 2 custodial weekend a month to see our kids and it’s been devastating! I cannot tell you how awful it is to be a mom and have the dad of your kids not share during this scary time. If I can encourage you to work with her, I really think it would be a good deed and go a long way with your ex. Also remember your kids know and are watching to see how you respond. I’m sure if you asked them if they want to see their mom, the answer will be yes! Also, do you want them thinking their dad kept them from their mom during a scary world wide emergency? Just my thoughts. Stay safe and healthy!
In Utah, the code specifically talks about whether “school is in session.” You can look in the Texas parent-time statutes to see how it is phrased. School IS in session and, therefore, it seems very arguable that this is not holiday time, summer time, or any other time that would add parent-time to the other parent.
Mixed in here for some schools is Spring Break which WOULD be parent-time if it’s her year.
If the court orders you have entitle her to time, then please read many of my other answers to questions that talk about how to consider the provision of parent-time. If she is not ordered to have parent-time, then now is definitely not the time to expand her time and travel to other cities for parent-time.
my kids mom keeps allowing her 16 yearold daughters boy friend to come around even afterlocckdown no matter what i say see continues to permit it jeperdizing the saftey of the entire family with the corona19 virus
In my mind that is the same as allowing a “play date”- she’s still a kid- and many states have very specifically said NO PLAY DATES.
The problem is that Exes have a very difficult time listening. Perhaps it needs to come from someone else.
Hey so My mom and dad are at a disagreement right now. My mom works from home now and so does my dad but my dad remarried and there are 2 people at that household that still work out of home. Is it smart to keep going back and forth?
It depends on which one of you are able to stay home and give the best care and nurture the child in this scary time especially being’s they are home from school, and if mother is able to have child then it would be wrong for you to keep her from time that is not restricted by school day’s being as bonus to get back some lost time.
Will, thank you for stopping by to ask. The fact is that your parents are supposed to sort that out without involving you. But sometimes parents, especially under pressure such as a pandemic, don’t think clearly.
Your parents probably have a court order giving your Dad parent-time. If possible, that parent-time order should be followed just so that neither party gets in trouble with the court.
If both households are very careful, you can be safe and still spend time at both houses. But it’s going to take some commitment form each of your parents. Feel free to show them this blog!
In your circumstances, both parents should be working together to make your risk of getting infected as low as possible.
Perhaps you can talk to your parents about having a safety plan in each house. That way you can feel like both households are taking things seriously.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. If Dad is employed, he will work from home. Mom will only go to work and not have other outings that are not essential. She will follow all protocols to decrease the possibility of contracting the virus at work. The kids will school from home with no playdates. No one will have friends, guests, workers coming into the home, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature, not touch your face, and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Having the expectation in each home that controls risk and makes everyone feel that the best efforts are being made should allow court-orders to be followed most of the time.
Best of luck!
I have a step son who lives in southern California and we (his dad, myself and our two year old daughter) live in central California. His school has been closed indefinitely like many others. We are supposed to have him visit us next week (spring break) which cannot happen but then when is it safe for him to see us? My husband and his ex wife do not communicate well and have not even spoken to each other about a pandemic plan/visits regarding their son. I want everyone to stay safe and healthy. Also his ex wife and son live with her elderly mother.
Although I’m sure it was hard for you and your family to not see him for Spring Break when it was your turn. However, it was probably very wise. Even if they are not good at communicating, they managed to clear that hurdle without resorting to threats- that’s GOOD!
I would work together if possible to decide under what conditions parent-time can resume. It doesn’t work to say WHEN, it only works to say what the situation needs to be. Such as, the stay-at-home orders are lifted or there are less than 10 cases statewide (or whatever you think is reasonable). Your discussions should also include the promise of make up time during the summer for any time you missed now.
Best of luck!
My step son (14) is scheduled to fly to Alabama for a week starting April 8th for visitation with his mother. We’ve expressed that we do not feel safe with flying during the pandemic and offered additional parent time during her summer visit. She is adamant that we put him on the plane since it’s on the custody order. Is there anything we can do to keep him safe?
Is your state subject to a “stay at home” order or a “shelter in place” order? If so, I think local parent-time might be enforced but flights not. In States under those orders, far travel is not recommended. In Utah, for example, the Governor has specified to not travel unless essential. Further, not leave the county even to go to a national park unless it is to attend essential work or medical care, etc.
Parent-time “essential” or not, the farther the distance, the worse the potential problem.
The plain fact is that, as an attorney, I certainly have to caution people that violating a court order can have serious ramifications. As a parent, I think each family has to decide how serious the risk to their children is.
Parents are DEFINITELY using the coronavirus to deny parent-time in completely illegitimate circumstances. i.e. the risk in each home is basically the same and both households are staying at home except for grocery store runs, no one works in health care, and no one in the home is sick on any level.
Because of these grabs of parent-time that are baseless, it adds risk for parents who have legitimate concerns such as yours. It encourages the court to take across the board measures such as ALWAYS enforcing court orders regardless of risk.
You’ve got to do what you think is safest for your child, but be prepared to deal with consequences if you choose to not follow your court orders.
As I tell all parents, you should document your efforts to come to a reasonable compromise. For example, let’s say you offered make-up time in the summer. If I’m a judge and I see the offer of make-up time and I balance against the risk of exposure to the virus by flying, I’m going to view your decision better than if you don’t offer any make-up time or increased virtual contact with the child.
Best of luck!
My daughters grandmother (has visitation) got her on spring break but failed to let me know that on thay day she taken her husband to get tested for the virus. Even though he was sick and got a test she still allowed us to drop off my daughter and did not say anything! Well I found out as she lied and said he was exposed and that’s why he got tested(was a lie) I am a cancer patient undergoing treatment and allowed my daughter to stay in Tom the results came but was promised that husband was quarantined away from my daughter and the next day my daughter FaceTimes her brother (my 5YO) and she was in a car next to the husband going to Taco Bell! I demanded that child come home and found out all the lies. He did test negative, but the test didn’t come back for a week! We kept my daughter in her room until we got the results but the grandmother still lies and denies that she did anything wrong. I am
Withholding her visitations due to fear of her lying again since her husband is postal service worker. She clearly did not care about the safety of her granddaughter to begin with and is still fighting to see her and I won’t allow it as it puts me and my entire family at risk. I know I could get contempt of court but I can’t put my daughter at risk of someone who thinks so little of her life let alone my family’s.
You seem to understand the risk that denying time could lead you to a contempt hearing but I agree that the behavior of taking time when the other parent was ACTIVELY ill and being tested could be deemed by a court to be careless disregard for the safety of the child (and for your own health too).
Hello. I am 18 and I have a younger brother who is 16. We live in Oregon, which currently has a “shelter in place” mandate.
My father (unemployed) recently traveled back from Hawaii, and has no symptoms. My mother works at a senior center and is considered “essential”. Should my brother and I be going back and forth between houses, or should we stay at one home?
Alex, thank you for stopping by to ask. The fact is that your parents are supposed to sort that out without involving you or your younger brother. But sometimes parents, especially under pressure such as a pandemic, don’t think clearly.
Your parents probably have a court order giving your Dad parent-time. If possible, that parent-time order should be followed just so that neither party gets in trouble with the court.
In your circumstances, both parents should be working together to make your and your brother’s risk of getting infected as low as possible.
Perhaps you can talk to your parents about having a safety plan in each house. That way you can feel like both households are taking things seriously.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. If Dad is employed, he will work from home. Mom will only go to work and not have other outings that are not essential. She will follow all protocols to decrease the possibility of contracting the virus at work. The kids will school from home with no playdates. No one will have friends, guests, workers coming into the home, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature, not touch your face, and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Having the expectation in each home that controls risk and makes everyone feel that the best efforts are being made should allow court-orders to be followed most of the time.
Best of luck!
I have temporary custody of my grandchild since December 2019. Will her mother get her stimulus money?
Because the stimulus checks are being based on IRS tax filings for 2019 (and 2018 if you have not filed for 2019), the money is likely to go to whomever claimed the child on his or her 2019 or 2018 taxes.
You could file a request with the court to have that money assigned to you since you are the guardian of the child this year- the year of the virus and the economic impact. That may work. If you are getting child support, you may also contact the child support division and ask them if they are going to try to get those checks from parents who really should not be getting it. (I highly doubt it but an agency might be on the ball enough).
This doesn’t apply to you, but for other readers perhaps. Straight forwardly, parents with shared custody should probably be sharing that check proportionate to their amount of time with the child. I have NO court orders or opinions of judge’s to back that up, but logically it would make sense.
Notably, the stimulus check will go to people even if they owe taxes. So we can assume that a parent does get the check no matter what and even if they say they did not. I would probably litigate it on the assumption that they really did get the money.
Best of luck!
My ex just lost his job temporarily due to the corona virus. What does that mean for my child support? Will I no longer receive child support payments? He is threatening to also get rid of their medical insurance that he is supposed to pay per the courts. What should I do?
If the job loss is temporary, your child support should not change. To modify child support under Utah law, the change in income can’t be “temporary.” However, you’ll have to be able to prove that, which may be difficult.
The medical insurance is a mandate regardless of employment. He’ll have to pay that no matter what. Of course, being ordered to pay by court order and GETTING someone to pay are not necessarily the same thing.
If you child support is collected by ORS, you may have to SHOW THEM the code provision that says that child support should not be changed for temporary income changes. The code is 78B-12-210(9)
(c) Upon receiving a petition under Subsection (9)(a), the court shall, taking into account the best interests of the child:
(i) determine whether a substantial change has occurred;
(ii) if a substantial change has occurred, determine whether the change results in a difference of 15% or more between the payor’s ordered support amount and the payor’s support amount that would be required under the guidelines; and
(iii) adjust the payor’s ordered support amount to that which is provided for in the guidelines if:
(A) there is a difference of 15% or more; and
***(B) the difference is not of a temporary nature.***
If the change is permanent, he has the right to ask for modification of the child support order if child support would change by 15%.
Best of luck and stay safe.
HI I live in NH my question is about visitation ….
my ex husband has our son every other Weekend and one day during the week ..
for few months he’s working in upper state of NY…. I am really worried about Covid 19..
he stayed in hotels during the week and travel back to New Hampshire for His visitation with our son …is any way I can stop visitation for now while this’CRASIS ‘
THANK You …..he is impossible to work with …
Simply moving into and out of hot spots is probably not enough for a court to completely suspend parent-time. If your order was issued by a New Hampshire court, you should check online and see if the New Hampshire courts have issued any blanket orders about parent-time during the coronavirus, some have.
If not, you have to assume that your current court orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Best of luck!
thank you so much for your info……
You are very welcome! If you have more questions, feel free to stop by.
I HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY OF MY GRANDSON. HIS MOTHER PASSED AWAY AND HIS FATHER IS IN PRISON. WILL I GET HIS STIMULUS MONEY
It’s going to depend who claimed the child on taxes in 2019 (or 2018 if no one has yet filed for 2019). If his deceased mother claimed him, you’ll have to show the IRS a death certificate and your power of Attorney. It would not hurt to start that process NOW and contact your local IRS office.
Hello! I would love advice on this serious issue. My ex has moved his girlfriend (of 5 months) and her two kids in with him because of COVID19. We have two kids together and share custody. His new girlfriend and family are not there when my kids are there however I don’t know where they go and who they interact with when they are gone. Our agreement states that new partners will not be introduced to the children until after 6 months of dating. According to the CDC, I am in a high risk category because I have very bad asthma. Is this a legal matter? I can’t find any information regarding new living situations with COVID19 and I honestly don’t know what to do. We have a mediation appointment tomorrow but with blatant disregard for social distancing measures, I don’t know how we will ever come to an agreement.
Hi i was told that the other parents other half if thwybhave children they need to STAY HOME WASH HANDS TAKE CLEANLINESS TOP PRIORTY IF FOR ANY REASON YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE YOU AS A MOTHER HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP YOUR KID/ CHILDREN HOME WHERE ARE SAFE I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AND IM SCARED TO BECUZ MY KIDS STARTED SEEING THERE FATHER AFYER 12 YEARS AND HE HAD THEN RHIS WEEKEND AND HAD THEN OUT RUNNING AROUND AT THE STORES AND AT THERE GRANPARENTS HOWS HE HAS NO REGARDS OVER WHATS GOING ON BUT HE ALSO KNOWS ILL KEEP MY KIDS HOME DO WHAT YOUNFEELS RIGHT IF THAT MIMMA BEAR IS WANTING TO COME OUT DO WHAT YOU FEEL WHAT IS THE COURTS GONNA SAY UR IN TROUBLE BECUZ U KEPT UR KIDS SAFE .IM.GONNA DO THE SAME THING IM.KEEPING KIDS HOME.INWISH INCOULD EMAIL U OR TALK.MORE I HAVE ALOT OF ADVISE TO GIVE
..THANK YOU BE SAFE AND ANOTHER GOOGLE WHAT I TELL YOU GOOGLE WHAT DO I DO IF MY KIDS HAVE TONGO TO THERE GAYJERS ON THE WEEKENDS OR HOW EVER UR PLAN IS ..And it will tell you what to.do.in my opinion your the mother your gonna do whats BEST for your CHILDREN even if the other parent doesn’t agree BUT hopefully he does becuz well Corona virus is real your not making it up god bless….jacquelyn
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Sorry that I didn’t get back to you before you had a mediation the next morning. I’m very interested to hear what happened at your mediation. I’m sincerely hopeful that you were able to work out a safety and co-parenting plan specific to the coronavirus problem. Please let me know.
Also, I should mention, I know a lot of agreements and orders have these “don’t introduce the children to new romantic interests” clauses but in Utah I rarely see any penalty against anyone who blatantly disregards them.
Would be interested to hear what happened and if you were unable to settle, are you willing to go to court to enforce your orders or to deny parent-time because of your risk?
Thanks
I have similar situation in SC. I am grandparent who has custody My daughter will not compromise she is working in a lab she draws blood I am high risk with COPD and grand daughter also uses an inhaler high risk My daughter last visit taking them to other grandparent house to visit plus stores to go shopping I am trying keep them safe she just looking to have her time not considering the risk
Since you have custody, you have to determine what is best. Just realize the risks.
For all parents or grandparents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
I am the custodial parent for my 3 yo. My son was born with a heart condition and is considered high risk to this coronavirus. His dad gets him a couple hours a week and two Saturdays a month. His dad is trying to take him and I am not comfortable because he is high risk and I am not willing to take any chances. Does the stay-at-home order trump the parenting plan? He is not considering my son’s safety and is just pushing for what he wants.
Hello I WAS just wondering if you got any answers because I am almost in same situation
I am so scared an I feel like I have no control in this situation …
I am not over reacting …. I just understand the power of this virus
The first thing to do is look online to see if your state government or courts have offered any orders or advise on how they are looking at parent-time. There is wide-variation in this. Some courts are saying, virtual parent-time is enough if there is a stay-at-home order. Other courts are saying that court orders should be followed unless someone in either home is experiencing symptoms. Look up your jurisdiction and court.
If you find nothing your jurisdiction or court, you’ll have to make your best decision.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
In your case, you have a child with a pre-existing health condition that magnifies his risk. That is a legitimate concern!
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. But real risk, documented, talked over with the other parent, and still disregarded- that means you have to decide what to do and be willing to deal with it. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Offering make-up time, virtual time, and other accommodations will always help you if this ends up in court.
Best of luck!
I am in the same situation. My ex only saw my son 10 times TOTAL last year. And now he is adamant about his visitation after I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it right now and offered him make up time at a later date. My son is 16 though and I have no way to stop him from walking out the door when his dad comes to get him! His dad lives with his gf and her son and I don’t want my son exposed to any more ppl than necessary and I don’t want to be exposed either! His dad also worked with the public up until a week ago. I have been home since March 16. This whole situation is very upsetting.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
My ex gets our son on Thursday from 3:30’pm to 8 pm. This past Thursday I still let him go. On Friday my ex was very sick and had all the symptoms for Covid 19. . His doctor did give him the test and we are waiting for the results. So if he does have the virus my son and all of us have been exposed. This is why the children should not have to go.
Yes this is exactly the risk of co-parenting during this pandemic.
I cannot overstate enough that parties have to set down their historical arguments and make clear-headed decisions for the kids safety. Notably, your Ex’s symptoms didn’t show up until Friday so it was very reasonable for both of you to expect parent-time to happen on Thursday.
Hope that he didn’t test positive.
My ex(girlfriend) and I have a 4 year old son. She lives in CA with him and has full legal and physical custody per a parenting agreement that requires she pay for my travel and accommodations at least 4 times per year. This is an agreement on paper we both signed, but we have never been to court. I live in NC and we were to visit next week, but obviously that has been cancelled. She is a doctor (ob/gyn) that is in the hospital 4-5 times a month on call 24hrs. She co-sleeps with our son and up until last week had been caring for him with her mother. She is now getting child care from others. I have asked to come out there and be the alternate caregiver, or for my son to come to NC with me until this blows over. She laughs at this idea and has said if she gets sick then he will probably have it, too, and they will deal with it. What can I do, if anything?
Your court orders are in effect most likely and so you cannot insist that she give you full physical custody. But, you are sincerely trying to problem solve such as moving out there for awhile to provide child care. If that’s true, it is a good offer that she should be considering to reduce risk to the child. It doesn’t mean her custody or parent-time goes away, but if I were a judge, it’s a pretty compelling move for me to agree to increased time with you given her work.
You could file a request for temporary modification of parent-time based on your presence in the state.
Talk to an attorney. Since you have a signed paper, you should consider having that reduced to a court order which would make enforcement and modification much easier.
I doubt though that a court will order the child to move to NC to live with you while until this all blows over. Could happen, but I think it’s very unlikely.
Hi I am a grandmother that has permanent visitation rights with my grandson. My son his father passed away when my grandson was 5, he is now 13. I have him 1/2 summer, shared holidays, half of no school time ect. I also have rights to all of his school and medical records. When my grandson was close to 2 years old his mother handed him over to myself and son. With my sons issues I did the full time parenting of him for over 2 years. That’s why when he passed I was allowed those rights. Anyhow since the initial scare of this virus she has withheld my visitation. It’s been almost a month since I’ve seen him. I immediately self quarantined prior to the official notice from government, I live alone. What can I do.
If you have court orders in effect that give you rights, you can enforce those orders. In no state have I seen blanket orders that say that custodial parents can do whatever they want right now, though many custodial parents seem to think they have the legal power to do that. They ARE doing it but at the risk of being found in contempt.
Contact counsel to enforce your orders and of course document your requests for time. You’ve been in quarantine and so it seems that your household is very low risk for giving the child the virus and there is no reason for her to deny you time if you want it. Document all of that and ask for make-up parent-time. You want to be able to show the court that you are being reasonable and she is not being reasonable.
My ex and I have joint custody, I’m the custodial parent and we follow the Utah code for extended parent time. He currently has our kids for his weekend and would normally bring them to school in the morning tomorrow. Today he has said that he is going to keep them tomorrow until after school hours. He says since school in online that doesn’t necessarily mean school is at my house. He’s not wrong there. The problem is that he has never done any schooling with them. He has never talked to a teacher or set foot in their schools in 4 years. He has no idea what they are supposed to be doing and hasn’t made any effort to find out. To date. He has never been involved in school and is using this as an opportunity to try and keep them at his house. Our decree says he has custody until he drops them at school or until 8am if school is not in session. My question is how do I enforce that? Do I need an attorney to enforce it. I’ve lost 50% of my income so I’m trying to avoid that. I don’t want to stress my kids. I definitely don’t want to have law enforcement involved. What do you suggest?
Tell him no, that is not your agreement. Be firm, but not inflammatory. If he refuses, keep the texts and document it. If he continues you will have to contact a lawyer to take him to court after getting several examples of his non-compliance.
He may just be testing you to see if you will stay firm. If you give in he will go for more. Sticking to the agreement is better for the kids than letting him get away with what he can. Look up narcissistic/empath relationships and see if this applies to you. Good luck.
Utah code specifically uses the words “when school is not in session.” As far as I can tell, virtual schooling IS school in session!!! I have not yet seen this litigated but as far as I can tell, virtual schooling is not a basis to expand time under Utah code.
Your income is reduced and I understand that, my firm offers hour by hour assistance to people who cannot afford full attorney litigation contracts. Contact my office if you need to and we can give you help.
Best of luck!
Hello, Rebecca. How would this apply to the ROFR in Utah?
In Utah the Right of First Refusal applies when your court orders says that you have to offer the other parent the opportunity to provide care when you are not available to do so directly (that is a very unspecific version of it- usually it’s specific to number of hours and can include other aspects).
In most households right now a parent is actually working from home and the children are schooling at home. So I’m guessing that your question is “do I have to offer the right of first refusal if the children are home schooling but I have to leave to work?” Is that your question?
I think that you have to do the same analysis for right of first refusal as you do for any other type of parent-time right now.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
If you could reply to this, I would be so grateful.
I have no custody agreement w my ex husband and all that is in place is that he has primary residency and I see them every other weekend etc.
he works at the hospital and I have asked him if we can keep our daughter here w me and my new husband and son, due to the higher risk of her being exposed. I work from home so there is a much lower, almost non-existent chance that she will become infected from us.
Do I have any recourse if he refuses and wants to take her home? She is 12 years old & we live in the same city.
Thank you!
Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
You have no court order! That puts you in a different situation than most. While I always tell people that they should generally allow parent-time even without a court order, this situation gives you a little more wiggle room UNLESS you live in a state that automatically awards parent-time even without a court order (check with local counsel if you don’t know!) Without a statute or order supporting his parent-time, it is possible that you can do whatever you think is best without recourse and wait for him to go to court to force your hand.
You probably need to talk to local counsel.
Best of luck
I have primary custody of my older 2 kids and their dad has weekends and he is very call the police happy when things dont go his way. Well me and all 3 of my kids have been sick and have been in contact with the health department and multiple doctors and they are telling me that to be safe me and my kids need to stay in the house and not to send the kids to their dads house. Their dad is threatening to call the cops saying the courts told him i cant hold the kids no matter what, i called the court and told them whats going on and what the doctors and health department said and they are standing firm if i keep my kids this weekend i will be in trouble and be arrested. So who do i fallow the doctors and health department or the court. Pleaae help
If you’ve already run it by the court and the cops, then you already have your answer. When you don’t feel that your court orders are in the best interest of the children, the only recourse is to turn to your specific court. If you’ve already done that, then what they say is the law of your case and you violate it at your own peril.
I understand the conflict you are in but there is no magic to change the situation.
ON THE OTHER HAND, it’s a little weird that you could just call the court and they instructed you. That sounds like a court clerk telling all callers the exact same thing. That doesn’t sound to me like you had a hearing in which you presented your evidence from the doctors and were able to present your facts to the judge. That may be an avenue out of your situation (or not- I have had judges tell me that “kids can be ill in either house, it doesn’t matter” and with this virus the question is one of risk of infection NOT where ill children sleep.)
If you don’t know how to navigate getting a hearing, you should get a lawyer.
Best of luck!
My ex husband still owes back child support. Normally his federal refund would directly go to me. Will this stimulus check also go to me?
Hi Rhonda, As far as I know the stimulus bill did not include any language that treats it like a tax return for child support purposes. However, because the checks are being tied to everyone’s 2018 tax returns (of 2019 if they haven’t filed for 2018), it is very possible that the debt owed to you might be flagged when they go to give him his check and instead the money will come to you as a matter of IRS procedure. I’m not sure though given that the stimulus check is NOT a tax return and therefore not covered within the same law. It seems that the government would need to legislate that the check go to the parent who has not received child support. This means that you will know the answer before many attorneys will. Please come back and let us know!
I have sole custody of my 9 year old son. I also have a FRO against his dad but we do have a court order in place for visitation every other weekend for a few hours. Due to the pandemic of the coronavirus I am stuck on whether I should continue the order or hold of for now until this whole thing dies down. I can not communicate with the other party because of the FRO and I cannot get in contact with my lawyer for advice or assistance. What can I do? I feel it’s best my son stays home until this is over or until he goes back to school
Be able to document that you could not contact either the other side or your attorney. Court orders are still in effect so violating them has its risks. Be able to defend that you were not able to do other than what you have done.
BUT, realize that if Dad’s home is not more risky than yours, a court might disagree with your decision and wonder why parent-time didn’t happen. Courts do not love unilateral decision making. Make the best decisions you can and document everything.
I live in Indiana and we have been put under a stay home ban kind of thing. But I still have to work. I have 5050 with my ex wife for my son. If I get him can I keep him u til this ban is lifted?
My kids father lives 200 miles away across 2 state borders washington and Oregon in a town with a non case, he hates me and cares little about this emergency I live in the country and prefer keep the kids in my home and away til this blows over , he is insisting he will show up with police, not only is there bathroom stop and things along the way he lives in a big city, and also his wife has 3 kids that live half with their dad who is married to a wo.an with 3 kids that live in two homes I think it’s best for all involved to skip his week until things get better
Probably not.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
COVID-19 is the alienating parents idea of heaven. My wife is milking this day after day to keep me from the kids
Yes!!! I share custody with my child’s father and wanted to get him yesterday and he is refusing to give him to me because of all this! And the courts are closed so I can’t file an emergency hearing. We got into a screaming fight last night over it and he is absolutely refusing to give me my son. And it was his birthday yesterday
Yes, what are our options when the courts are closed?
Most courts are not totally closed but are experiencing grave delays. I would still file your motions whenever possible, provide your documentation showing that the child(ren) are no more at risk with you than the other parent, etc.
Some courts are actually allowing expedited orders on these issues.
Make sure you track every day of parent-time missed so you can ask for make-up time.
Police officers are also proving helpful on this issue. More and more I hear stories of officers threatening to charge parents who will not allow parent-time with “custodial interference” in Utah (which used to be very rare).
Use the resources you’ve got. Don’t assume the courts are closed, overloaded, or cops are too busy. You may be wrong and you could be getting solutions to your issue.
Best of luck!
My sons dad is the main custody holder when it comes to residentialbut we are joint custodians when it comes like decision-making and stuff like that and there is verbage in the parenting plan that says it as long as we agree we can make our own changes without going to court to the plan. So me and him have made an agreement that we would switch boys my son it was not his and then our son that is ours since school was out until further notice we were talkin until school starts again. Well out of the blue after Washington State Governor has issued a stay-at-home order he decides he all the sudden wants to change our agreement and that he wants our son back as soon as possible and for me to take my son back and go back to the original plan I told him you can’t just make decisions like that just because you want to we need to talk about this. I thought I am for him like that this would be breaking a stay-at-home order that was put into effect around the dates that he wants to exchange the kids and then I just got information that me and my son we’re possibly exposed to the coronavirus but someone that we had recently seen who is now quarantined in the hospital and confirmed to have the virus and the father of my son who is currently with me and not with the dad under the agreement that I have proof of and text messaging and everything even have him disregarding what I was saying about not breaking the government order excetera excetera and then informing him of the exposure and that we should wait it out he didn’t care he cared more about what he wanted then about anybody’s safety concern or well-being especially when it came to the the kids somebody told me I should file an emergency modification of the parenting plan today but I’m hoping you could give me some guidance on it if I should do this or not before anything closes today because @midnight everything is shutting down unless it’s essential which I believe courts are part of being essential but not 100% sure so any guidance or suggestions would be much appreciated.
Did you write down and sign the agreement you both made?
If so you could try to file it with the court and have it enforced.
Here’s how to view parent-time during the pandemic.
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
That is why it would be important in your case to have the agreement you made be determined to be the order of the court.
Courts will usually bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties!
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
If your home is not high risk, I would point that out to the other side and demand that he follow his agreement or you will go to the court for relief.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If your two homes are equally at risk and you are making best efforts to prevent infection, there is no reason to stop your parent-time.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
I live in tennessee and am only working 1 day a week because of this virus. I pay child support to the fatyer of my 3 children but am bot able because of the virus and not being allowed to work more then 1 day a week…can I get in trouble for not being able to pay?
Just deciding not to pay the court ordered amount of child support is a recipe for trouble. You need to contact your state office that collects the child support or file a request to modify with the court. (or both!) There are always formal laws about when and how child support can be modified. FOLLOW THEM!!!
You do not want a child support arrearage. You need to get approval to change the amount.
Best of luck
Would love some advice with my problem. I have physical custody of my son and we share legal. His dad lives in AZ I live in MD. My son normally travels via air to AZ for spring break. Tickets have already been purchased for this year. But I work for the Navy as a civilian and the Navy has put in a stop travel for all military, civilians and families for any travel more than 75 miles from the area. Exceptions only for hardship and if approved must self quarantine for 14 days after the travel. Would this be a valid reason not to send him.
My understanding is the ban is only for official travel.
I have no evidence to support this opinion but I feel that courts are going to be less inclined to demand parent-time orders be followed when the child must fly in order to do so.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
Hello,
Wondering if anyone knows how to handle this situation. The schools are now running distance learning. I am the primary parent, but have shared custody with my DDs dad. He won’t listen to anything from either her (she is 5th grade) or myself to have her school here with me during the day and then go to his house on his days after. He wants to take over on his days. BUT he has never been a part of her school work and she is super uncomfortable with it because he yells, a lot. Nothing I say helps and I am supposed to log everything she does, but I can’t with him doing this. Is it possible to get emergency orders maybe to have her school with me? Is there another option? Or she just has to deal with it? I’m worried her grades are going to suffer and/or she is going to end up spending all of her time with me trying to get her work done correctly. Thanks for any feedback!
I think this is a very difficult situation because he has court orders, it sounds like, allowing him to have those days and now they are “home schooling” days.
Therefore, trying to go get modified or expedited orders is probably your only option.
I would keep in mind though that the court is primarily concerned with child safety right now and if both homes are probably following stay-at-home orders and are equally at risk for infection, the court is unlikely – in my mind at least- to modify court orders because of schooling issues.
However, you should look carefully at what your state or county specifically says about parent-time under stay-at-home orders. Some jurisdictions are saying virtual parent-time is sufficient (Michigan). Most are not though.
Best of luck!
Hello, My abusive ex-husband wants me to go and live with him and my daughter in the desert. She spends most of her time w/me. He is two hours away in a remote area. He says this is safer and is trying to scare we w/the prospect of martial law – that I might not be able to come and get her at some point. I had suggested that we go every other week – w/her living at each house hold. I am observing quarantine. I am very necessary in our online operations at work and need to keep working. He has not always been supportive of my work. Now he says he is somewhat sick. He left Las Vegas for a work project 10 days ago. My girl is w/him as of a few days ago. I don’t know what to do.
Hello, I have an abusive ex-husband who keeps badgering me to bring our girl and come and stay with him in the desert until the virus situation is over. I live in the northeastern outskirts of Los Angeles County and he is two hours away. He had to work in Las Vegas until 10 days ago. I had suggested we pass our girl back and forth every week. But he is trying to scare me w/the prospect of martial law, that I may not be able to drive to get her at some point. In the past he has not always been supportive of my work. I am very necessary to our online operation at my work and I have to keep working. I want to be with my girl but I do not want to be with him. Now he says he is feeling sick. I am not sure what to do. My therapist says call the police and see what they think.
Teresa,
1. Follow court order for placement – make sure you are in compliance. States have not changed their laws.
2. Do not give in to fear, and do not go live with him. If he abused you in the past, he will again. You said he “keeps badgering” you? That is abusive behavior.
3. Do you have greater than 50% placement? If states go from current stay-at-home laws to martial-type law, then they will favor parent with higher placement percentage.
If placement is 50/50, they will favor parent that child is with at time of law change.
4. If he is sick – DO NOT place your child with him. It is your responsibility to protect your child. If you are concerned about her losing time with her dad, that time can be made up when he is well and this crisis is over.
5. Call an attorney for advice; not sure if counselor knows current/changing laws, and police usually don’t help much in civil cases.
I live In Florida and have a child (7 daughter)who used to share an every other weekend visit with dad. Dad had not visited with daughter for over a year so to court ordered restraining, order to batter intervention, getting a mental evaluation, restrictions on carrying and turn in of any weapons(a known pistol licensed and unlicensed)and supervised visitation( which he refused) due to his repeat parental alienation, and a physical incident where he harmed our daughter, We just recently came to temporary visit agreement in February to only daytime visits( of which he did not follow the schedule and repeatedly did not arrive or return our daughter or refused to communicate or let her call I had to involve police reporting, etc..) but as of this Friday 4/3 was allowed to temporary return to his regular every other weekend visits to return our daughter on Sunday at 6. He has had zero contact as to his situation in regards to the covid19 and shared visits with another child(3 who lives in an entirely different household). He works for a global construction company and is still working as was addressed Friday. I attempted to communicate that my family(consisting of daughter and son are not infected. I am off of work and have been sheltered in place long before the order. I advised I have concerns in regards to exposure and told him she does not go into stores, and leaves home only to exercises in our yard and in small area of our neighborhood and has no contact with any other persons that the people she has been in contact with in the last month. Dad has not had a visit since March 22. I received no feed back from dad as to anything going on with him nor his stance or agreement to work to limit exposure by practicing distancing, cleaning, communication etc.. I briefly spoke to my daughter last night at ordered time but am now being refused contact again. I was reluctant to let her visit for fear or exposure considering the multiple homes and workplaces he visits a d being totally unaware of the other child’s situation and the lack of communication and refusal to let myself and my son check on our daughter( as she too has concerns about visiting and seeing us and the virus). I don’t want to not follow orders but he is showing that not even these serious times are immune to ill concern for our daughter and others. I’ve called twice with 25 mins in between calls it’s been over two hours now and nothing. This is why I wanted to keep her home.
Quaneeka, it sounds like you’re doing your best to comply with court orders.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
Getting a feel for what the police would do is helpful. But, the bigger question I have is whether or not you have a court order?
I do not practice law in California, but as a general rule, if you don’t have a court order yet, you don’t need to agree to any particular parent-time situation. In Utah, I always advise people to allow parent-time even with no order. But if you cannot come to an agreement, he has no authority to make you agree to his proposal. “Martial law” when there is no court order is just meaningless nonsense.
Make your best decision. Document your rationale.
You should note that in Utah if there are no court orders, then EITHER PARENT is entitled to the child. Which means, you would have no means of compelling her return if he takes her to the desert after parent-time and keeps her. California may be the same. You probably need to talk to an attorney.
Best of luck.
Hi,
As of now my Ex Husband has sole physical custody of our 2 boys but we still have joint legal custody. I get visitations with them ever Wednesday, every other Thursday & every other weekend over night. The day before my scheduled weekend visit he informed me that during this coronavirus pandemic our boys will be in grandrapids with his parents until further notice. He was afraid that they would be qurantined at my house if a qurantine order was made while they were in my custody. I have another young son with my current boyfriend & no one in our house is sick. I’m just not sure what if anything I can do about him not following our custody order and denying me my parenting time
I would doubt that your court order allows him to place his children with someone outside his current home over and above you the other parent. I would also doubt that your court order gives him sole authority to move the children’s residence, particularly without him moving too. His parents have no court orders allowing them to have the children.
That means if his parents keep the children, they have kidnapped the children. Call the police to have them returned. That is the fastest resolution I can see in your case.
Hello Ms. Okura. I am wondering if you can help. I have full legal and physical custody of my teenage son. My ex has no medical rights to him (he has proven to be irresponsible in that way with his asthma and health problems) On the court order he gets him every other weekend , and One day a week and every other holiday. (It says 81 over nights) although he only ever gets him maybe 50 nights a year. He has not gotten him during the week days in about 5 years. He only has gotten him every other Saturday For the night and that is it for the past year. I am facing a dilemma. My son is 16 and has asthma. He is high risk for this virus and I am worried. Since my son only goes every other Saturday at the very most, I hate exposing him for the one or 2 nights. My husband also has heart problems so he is at risk too. His dad takes nothing serious medically and is very unreasonable with medical and extremely aggressive to talk to. I reached out and told him I truly believe it is best to avoid exposure at this time. I told him I will happily encourage any makeup time wanted as soon as this calms down a bit. My plan and hope is that he can go back to visits in a few weeks. Our state has a stay at home order mandated. His dad works outside the home and for the past two weeks (and at least 3 more) no one at our home is working outside the home and we are completely isolating. I don’t want to get in trouble. I don’t want to keep my son from him but honestly he hardly saw him before, and is now pushing or more so since I expressed my concern. I tried to be very kind talking to him but only got threatening behavior and I’m not sure what to do. I never try to exclude him from my sons life, and I actually push for their interaction, but I truly do worry about his health during this time. Can you help? Thank you so much !!
I’m in Colorado and we’re under a stay at home act. I have primary residential custody and full decision making for medical, education and extra-curricular. My ex has our two children (5 & 8) every other weekend and for dinner one night each week.
I work from home and we’re completely isolating. My ex works in the delivery business which exposes him to others all day. Many who also hold secondary jobs.
With full decision making, do I have the authority to decide our children need to remain home until the isolation is lifted if we cannot mutually agree?
I
In my experience, decision making authority does not include the ability to decide to cease or modify parent-time. If it did, the courts wouldn’t bother entering parent-time orders because the decision-making parent could just change them. That power is not going to help you here.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough, and neither is the other side just being pig-headed.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
We r under mandatory quarantine here in mich and not allowed to leave so will I be in trouble for not paying support until able to leave? I dont have credit cards
Hello! I’m only licensed in Utah but I did a little digging.
Michigan, according to https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/local/2020/03/24/answering-8-questions-about-michigans-stay-at-home-order/, has at least issued a statement on co-parenting and parent-time orders.
“Q: How does this order impact my custody agreement?
A: Individuals may also travel as required by law enforcement or a court order, including the transportation of children pursuant to a custody agreement under section 7 (b) (3) of this order. Court ordered parent child visits and caseworker visits continue but these visits must not always be in person. Alternatives including telephone and videoconference are acceptable. The only time that an in-person visit is required is when we believe that child safety is at stake.”
But the State doesn’t go on to talk about child support. You have to assume that your child support order is in place unless it is modified. If you’ve lost your job, apply for unemployment benefits as soon as possible. If your child support is collected through Michigan’s Office of Child Support [https://www.misdu.com/secure/default.aspx], you should contact them about modifying your child support, or contact a local attorney to find out how to lower your child support due to lost work.
Best of luck!
is this the same in Utah? we have a 50/50 parent time agreement so if the state is in lockdown. are we still able to transport the child on our normal parent time schedule?
What would be your recommendations in the following situation:
Child is in the custody of parent A when parent A begins to exhibit signs of infection. Should the child stay with parent A so long as the symptoms are manageable in order to stop any possible spread of the infection or should they go to parent B’s house?
In some states there are very specific orders not to have parent-time when a parent is sick. In other states, they don’t say but it does seem logical that the parent should be tested and no parent-time if the parent is infected.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
I(mom) am in oregon, with sole custody of both minor kids and 60% of parenting time. I had the kids for the spring break this year. During school year- its Thu-Sun alternate weeks with other parent(dad) and Thursday overnight when not his weekend. now with “stay at home” order do I need to shuffle the kids between homes? He sent me a note that he wants to revert to normal school year parenting plan after spring break. He lives with 65 year old mother who works in a lab in hospital and is still going to work and it concerns me to have kids shuffle and be in contact with elderly at his home working at hospital. I am Working from home and have kids at home since mid-march. Other parent is also working from home. Please advise if “stay at home” orders today in ORegon will help me keep the kids from shuffling between the homes? Thank you for your help and patience.
I live in Missouri and in almost the same situation as you are. I went to my County’s website and read the “stay at home” order and in the FAQs, I found the following:
H o w d o e s t h e o r d e r a ff e c t m y j o i n t c u s t o d y a r r a n g e m e n t f o r c a r i n g f o r m y c h i l d r e n ?
You are encouraged to find arrangements that keep households from intermingling. However, the order allows for travel both to care for family members and comply with legal obligations. Accordingly, it allows for joint custody arrangements for the care of children.
I will advise you to do to your County’s website and read the FAQs for yourself.
Thank you Kwasigm, Yes! Many states, counties, or cities are issuing administrative orders to cover co-parenting issues in their jurisdiction. They should be available online. Everyone should start by looking there!
Thanks for your input!
No, the stay at home orders don’t necessarily impact parent-time orders.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
My ex is an airline pilot, flying into areas with significant COVID-19 outbreaks. Do we continue with the custody schedule, or what should be done? He refuses to make modifications to the schedule.
For all parents struggling to decide whether to allow parent-time or not, here are the steps I recommend:
1. Check your state and your jurisdiction to find out if there are any orders or recommendations specific to parent-time. Some states or specific courts are issuing blanket orders or recommendations. They vary greatly, from “virtual parent-time is good enough” to “parent-time should continue as ordered unless the child themselves is a confirmed positive coronavirus case.” Start by finding out from your jurisdiction. If you cannot find the information, contact an attorney in your area.
2. If you cannot find any guidance from your court or state, assume that your court-orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
3. Propose a safety plan. Even if the other side ignores you, you will have documentation that you tried to institute a safe plan for the other parent to continue to enjoy parent-time. That will count for something in court.
Possible provisions for a safety plan include:
a. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
b. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
c. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
d. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
e. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
f. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
g. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
4. Assess actual risk.
If the other parent will not agree to a safety plan that you can live with and you are still worried about sending your kids for parent-time. Assess the actual risk to your children. Having the other parent live in a hotspot is probably not enough.
Risk factors would be:
a. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
b. a person in the home is infected
c. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
d. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
e. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
5. Document everything. Document what the other person is saying about the virus. Are they taking it seriously? No? What proof do you have of that? Are you offering them reasonable alternatives to parent-time such as make-up time and virtual time? Document that? Are they refusing make-up time later in summer? Document! Are they demanding plane travel? Are they meeting with groups of people and proceeding as if the virus doesn’t exist. Document! All of your reasonableness and his or her unreasonableness needs to be documented so that if this does go to court, you can defend the decisions you make.
Best of luck!
I live in New Jersey as do my children and ex-wife. I lost my job because of Covid-19 resulting in unemployment indefinitely. My ex-wife is able to work from home. My job does not allow me to work from home. We share 50/50 custody rights but my ex-wife is the primary custodian. I pay 100% of their health-insurance thru my work but my banked hours will run out eventually.
In the next couple months if I do not get back to work, I am unable to pay child support. I don’t know what my options are. I’m happy to pay it otherwise, but do to this virus I simply am not.
My son was able to set up reduced child support payments when he was unemployed. Bad part it created back child support owing.
Yes, each state is different. Each person should do the following regarding the need to change child support:
1. Contact the child support collection agency specific to your state – they all have different names. e.g. Office of Recovery Services, Department of Human Services Child Support Program, etc.
2. If you need a court order, look up what the rules are for modification of your court order of child support. Often it’s a simple google search: [state name] modify child support
3. Contact a lawyer in your jurisdiction to find out the what you need to prove in order to modify child support. An attorney should be able to tell you the factors you need to show.
4. If you cannot afford an attorney, there might be modification forms available on your court’s website. They may be called something like “Petition to Modify Decree of Divorce” or “Motion to Amend Decree of Divorce,” or something along those lines.
Best of luck!
Hello Paul, I am licensed to practice in Utah so I may not be tremendously helpful to you but here’s how it works in Utah and perhaps this will help you there in New Jersey.
Firstly, if you are unemployed due to the virus, please apply for unemployment as soon as possible.
Secondly, how do you pay your child support? In Utah, we have the Office of Recovery Services that collects many families child support payments. In New Jersey it appears to be the New Jersey Department of Human Services Child Support Program, https://www.njchildsupport.org/Health-and-Safety.
If this agency is currently collecting your child support, they may very well have a modification process where you can apply for a modification through them.
If you don’t pay through them, you may be able to apply to do so and then ask for modification. A case worker there should be able to help you.
If, as is the case in Utah, there are court orders that need to be modified and simply working through the agency isn’t going to work, you will need to file for modification through the court. In Utah, a temporary change in income is not sufficient to change child support. However, your loss of a job sounds permanent; meaning, it doesn’t sound like the same employer will be hiring you back. Talk to a local attorney in New Jersey to see what the law is there.
NOLO appears to provide some more info on modifying in New Jersey. https://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_jersey/modification_support_orders_in_nj
Best of luck!
I need help and advice regarding the coronavirus epidemic. I have full custody of our 14 yr old child and his father has visitation rights two weekends a month. My son just returned this weekend from visiting his father, and before he went, his father texted me he wanted to take our son to work with him (he cleans people’s pools and is in dozens of backyards every day) and requested to pick him up early to do so (which I did not agree to.) I told him I did not think this was a good idea with what’s going on and he said he would not be working this weekend. When my son returned he told me his father took him to a public skate park with dozens of other people, a public basketball court with dozens of other people, and that they are not able to use the bathroom in their house at this time (they live in a back house with no bathroom and the person who owns the main house will not let them in with what’s going on) so they’ve been using a public bathroom in a nearby gas station. When I expressed my concerns with his father he stated the epidemic is just hyped up and he is not concerned about it. When I mentioned social distancing he laughed like it was a joke. On top of all of this, I live with my elderly parents who are almost in their 60s, my sister and my 7 yr old niece. I told my son‘s father if our child is exposed he could bring the virus home without us knowing it and infect the other people who live in my house. My child’s father Is not complying whatsoever with the stay at home restrictions and is putting our child and my entire family at risk, I don’t know what to do and I need help, I do not want to send my son over there anymore while this is going on. Please help, Sarah
did you get an answer on this? my daughter is in the same problem. thanks
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
The public bathroom as the only available bathroom would greatly concern me if I were a judge. That to me seems like a real significant factor in all of this. In Utah, that would be a concern even without the coronavirus and could potentially lead to not having overnight parent-time. In this situation it seems profoundly risky.
Other risk factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Best of luck!
My ex and I both own businesses that have been hard hit by the impact of the epidemic. Within a week of the epidemic, my ex tells me over the phone that he can’t pay child support. He didn’t even make an effort to find a resolution even though I offered to help his business in any way I can. I emailed him expressing my sadness in the way he was handling it and asking for clarification but go no response. What is my recourse in this situation? I feel bad for his struggle but I have lost all of my business (I work in the travel industry) and I think he can’t just abandon his legal obligation this way. He lives in an expensive apartment with an expensive car, etc.
Hi there,
My ex and I both own businesses that have been hard hit by the impact of the epidemic. Within a week of the epidemic, my ex tells me over the phone that he can’t pay child support. He didn’t even make an effort to find a resolution even though I offered to help his business in any way I can. I emailed him expressing my sadness in the way he was handling it and asking for clarification but go no response. What is my recourse in this situation?
If he in fact stops paying child support, you’ll have to go to court or the office that handles child support for your state. In Utah it is the Office of Recovery Services, but each state differs.
In Utah, and in most states, there are very specific provisions about when and if you can modify child support. It is never okay for the paying party to simply announce that they are not going to pay. He needs to file to have it reassessed and that will require proof of income change.
In Utah, the change cannot be based on temporary circumstances. That may differ from state to state. For example, if he has a well-run business and keeps all of his clients but there is a temporary drop off in work, that might not qualify for a modification. Or if someone is furloughed but the expectation is that they will return to work in three months. In Utah, that would not be enough. You’ll have to check the laws in your jurisdiction (contact local counsel if you can’t figure it out and find the code provisions online).
If the check doesn’t come as it should, you can file in court to enforce the order. Or if the child support division is collecting for you, they also can assess arrearages and attempt to get him to comply.
Best of luck!
I live in California. My daughter is currently 10 months old. Currently the custody arrangement states that father has parenting time Sundays for 6 hours. I do not want to infringe upon his parenting time as I think it is necessary that my daughter spends time with her father. I have, however, reached out to him prior to our last visitation in hopes of developing a plan in order to keep our daughter safe at this time. He is unwilling to communicate. I asked that at the very least our daughter remains in his care for the duration of his parenting time and that he picks up and drops off as to keep exposure to outside people at a minimum. He just stated he’d get the baby in his allotted time. He picked up and a relative outside his home dropped off. He often leaves our daughter in the care of others dependent on his work schedule in which he refuses to share with me as well. In addition, he works outside the home as he works for a factory. What are my options if my coparent is still angry from our separation and not willing to communicate with me in the best interest of our child ?
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Best of luck!
I live in NC and am custodial parent for our 13 year old daughter. My husband works from home, and I care for our 1 year old daughter as well as the 13 year old who is normally home schooled. My ex lives in TN and has visitation one weekend a month and spring break, some time in summer, etc. He and his wife both work with the public outside the home. My daughter told me that if NC issues a stay home order, she hopes they do so before she goes to her dads, because she wants to be sure she’s stuck somewhere that she will actually have food to eat. Her dad has a history of drug abuse and doesn’t provide for her like he should. Can I legally keep her here because I’m afraid for her safety? For that matter, does a “stay home” order overrule our parenting plan? If she goes to visit and they order stay home, will he be able to keep her from coming back home? I’m scared to death because my family is sheltering at home, taking every precaution to protect ourselves because I’m high risk with comorbidities, and he and his wife are in constant contact with the public.
I see that North Carolina now is under stay-at-homer orders. I’m interested to find out what you decided to do.
The problem in your case is that your daughter and you have concerns OTHER than the coronavirus. This is exacerbating the situation.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general. OR THAT THE OTHER PARENT IS GENERALLY NOT A GOOD PARENT. That’s not going to factor into this situation at all.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Best of luck!
My partner has sole legal and physical custody of two minor children, who live full time with us. My three minor children are here 50% of the time. My partner’s two minor children have two hours of formal, supervised visits with their mother once/week. We are currently under shelter in place orders in California. My partner and the five kids have had no contact with anyone outside our immediate family since last Sunday (when they had their visit with their mother). We have temporarily suspended all physical visits for a few reasons — (1) Mother lives with her boyfriend and minor child in a homeless family shelter, where they are potentially exposed to the virus; (2) the formal supervisor is continuing to supervise visits with multiple families, meaning she is also potentially exposed; (3) the visits are ordered to take place in an outdoor park, which is completely shut down (and there aren’t really any suitable indoor alternatives given the shelter in place order). We have offered extended virtual visits by Facetime/Skype/Zoom, but mother has been unreceptive. Wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and has any alternative solutions to propose?
You have some real hurdles to following your court orders. I would be offering her make-up time when summer comes and the shelters are lifted. Also continue to offer virtual time.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Some of your risks MIGHT be sufficient to pacify a judge. We just don’t know.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
You have to have a plan to get back to parent-time as soon as you can. What could Mom do to get parent-time? Make-up time offers, etc.
Best of luck!
I am the non-custodial parent and this spring break our son is staying with me. My job was affected by COVID-19 pandemic and I have been at home with my son and staying away from groups or stores. His mother wants me to take him back today when the original order says I have to take him back. She works and her Husband too and our son will be alone at the house with his little brother. My son is 12 yrs old. I believe I should keep him with me since they work and I have been keeping him safe. Also when I first picked him up, his mom Gad the Flu. My question is, am I doing the right thing on keeping him or should I drop him off to his mom and expose him to whatever is happening?
A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Best of luck!
Hi I’m Currently located in Wisconsin I have a question me and my kids father have a parenting plan set up where he would get the kids every other Friday till Sunday with this outbreak I’ve asked him if we can wait until the lockdown of two week period is over and we can make up time that is lost with the kids spending more time with him when this pandemic is over I offer him to FaceTime me if you wants to see the kids in the meantime but he refuses I also asked him to keep in mind that our kids have a week immune system and get sick all the time and very easily we both stay in places where they have been cases of positive covid-19 do you have any suggestions on what I should do
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. As you can see, the blog has received a lot of questions and it’s getting difficult to stay on top of it.
As far as I can tell online (I am not licensed in Wisconsin so I don’t have the access a Wisconsin attorney would to court orders), there are no blanket orders telling parents what they should do.
Therefore, your court orders are in effect.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Good luck and stay healthy!
My ex used this as an excuse to not see his child. I am working round the clock nonstop and neither of us has exposure risk, but he is using this as a martyr situation. Can I get him for child abandonment? He literally tries to get out of everything to be with his childless younger girlfriend.
In Utah, there is no way to FORCE another parent to take his or her parent-time. Abandonment in our jurisdiction requires a significant period of time without contact and without child support. You’d have to contact an attorney in your jurisdiction to see what constitutes abandonment. Further, let’s say it IS deemed abandonment? What specifically will that get you? Here in UT it might allow your new spouse to adopt your child. But it’s not really going to get you anything else. If he were to pop up a year later and ask for parent-time, the court would probably institute a short “reintroduction” period and then start moving his back to his court ordered time.
In Utah, child support would not be increased because of abandonment.
So, if your jurisdiction is anything like Utah, there is not really much to be gained.
If your child needs day care, it is very likely that your Ex has to share in that costs. Again, check with a lawyer in your jurisdiction. It is likely, that is that only help your going to be able to get from him.
Sorry to not have better news.
Best of luck!
I completely understand! But we are completely on the other side my son has done everything to be in his daughters life.. from the day his daughter was born he was blocked on phone, social media, would answer door.. so he just worked, changed his life, and he took her to court ! Next court date we are more prepared – she hid child for year and half She bad mouthed him to anybody that would listen.. my son went to parenting classes on his own, decorated Daughters room which she does not have at moms house.. got crazy visit schedule because there was no parent child relationship because moms attempt to alienate father.. he had visit last Saturday he msg’d Friday bcuz she usually msg’s Thursday – Saturday morning with excuses he has heard them all !!! No msg, no call, just silence !! He is concerned because daughter goes to day care 6 days a week so mom can do online school ♀️ I’m still blown away, she ignores court order about neutral place And forces him to go to her house or no visit, idk why but she made herself the supervisor of visits only 2 more months of that but I’m sure there will be issues & excuses.. sorry you are going thru this !! Kids need both parents on the same path with communication & patience..
Unfortunately, in cases with a long history of trying to prevent parent-time, the coronavirus gives those parents an easy excuse to completely sever parent-time. He should propose a safety plan which will illustrate that the child is as safe in his home as hers. MAKE IT TRUE!
He needs to evidence his efforts to make reasonable offers and then her unreasonable rejections. It sounds like this is one of those cases that will forever be in the court system. Documentation is key.
Best of luck.
Hypothetical, parenting time with father every other weekend until 6pm Sunday. Mandatory 2 week quarantine in affect Sunday noon – can’t leave the house. Can I pick up baby early before the quarantine since I am primary care giver?
Do i have the right to get my child from his dad and wife as they both workin hospitals during covid 19..i am worried sivk
Same! My bonus kids mom works in ER and as of 2 days ago has NOT been social distancing herself or our kiddos…we are the residential parents…are we legally allowed to have them full time when a stay-in-place order occurs?
Hi Sarah, please read through some of my blog answers here that talk about high risk cases. Also, look see online if your jurisdiction has issued any blanket orders applying to all co-parenting cases. Some courts have.
Lastly, being custodial parent is not going to allow you to make the call. There is more that has to be considered. Hopefully reading my many blog answers here will help. There’s some advice in the thread where you left your comment.
Best of luck!
In most jurisdictions, the court orders are unchanged and the courts expect them to be followed. That may not be the case in all jurisdictions so look online for yours.
Read the posts that I have in this blog thread about HIGH RISK CASES. Being the custodial parent doesn’t necessarily help in this case; it doesn’t allow one-sided decision-making.
However, you sound like you have a high-risk situation. Have you talked to them about suspending parent-time and offering summer make-up time? Most health care providers do not have a lot of at-home time right now and might be okay with make-up time later.
Best of luck!
Occasionally you should check online to see if the state courts, or any particular district courts, has issued a blanket recommendation or order. Some jurisdictions are telling people what they expect to see happening.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Good luck! Stay safe
I am the primary custodian with the father having every other weekend. Now that school is closed for the foreseeable future and I am taking care of her from home, does that in any way warrant extra child support from the father?
Someone was floating this and it didn’t seem right to me but wanted to check.
He is current on his child support as of now.
Thank you.
I’m only licensed to practice in Utah, but I am unaware of any statute or order in any state that increases child support (or modifies it in any way) because of the coronavirus.
Some states have provisions that already existed that may apply. For example, Utah code 78B-12-216 contains the following:
78B-12-216. Reduction for extended parent-time.
(1) The base child support award shall be:
(a) reduced by 50% for each child for time periods during which the child is with the noncustodial parent by order of the court or by written agreement of the parties for at least 25 of any 30 consecutive days of extended parent-time; or
(b) 25% for each child for time periods during which the child is with the noncustodial parent by order of the court, or by written agreement of the parties for at least 12 of any 30 consecutive days of extended parent-time.
This is NOT an increase of child support, but rather it decreases the payers obligation if he or she has extensive parent-time in the course of a month. The statute goes on to say that this does not apply for HOLIDAY time. However, I see no argument that time off school for the coronavirus is holiday time, particularly when most children are attending classes digitally.
Best of luck, stay safe.
Can someone please help me. I have part time custody of my 7 year old daughter. I normally see her Friday after school and she is back with mom on Sunday around 9pm. I usually get her when there’s time off from school during the year but otherwise only on the weekend. Because of the corona virus, my ex wife is and will denying me any and all chance to spend time with my daughter. I can’t even travel to her home to see her. I work from home, my current partner works from home and my step daughter has had. O contact with anyone for more than a week and no one is or has been sick. I feel like this virus has become a perfect opportunity to deny my right to see my child! We live in Chicago and everything has been shut down and there is now a stay at home order. Can someone please help me! I’m literally in tears writing this and miss my little baby girl so much! Please please help!
It does not sound like your home is high-risk. If you have court orders to have parent-time, you should be having it. Neither parent is entitled to decide to suspend the other parent’s time.
In cases where a parent’s home is high risk, I could see a cautious parent refusing to allow parent-time. I don’t know that a court will support it, but it’s an arguable position. In your case, it sounds like it’s just a pretext for refusing your parent-time.
Chicago is under stay-at-home orders right now. That further complicates things. If either parent and child, leave his or her home to do an exchange, an officer could stop you and tell you that he or she is not allowing the exchange to occur.
Unfortunately, we have NO direction on how states, counties, and cities are handling parent-time under stay-at-home orders.
You can demand your parent-time and ask for make-up time for the time you missed, but realize that the courts are going to be slow to address any wrongs. Keep documentation so that when the time comes, you can prove that you took a reasonable position and she did not. It may help you in court at a later date.
Please come back to the blog and let me know if you have are stopped by officers when attempting parent-time exchanges. I am attempting to compile data about this issue and would love feedback.
Best of luck, stay safe.
I reside in NYC and share 50/50 of our daughter (10 yo). My ex kept her this Sunday because I was a little sick (I told him rundown from my work schedule the past few weeks). It is now Thursday and am feeling great, but he is still refusing to return her. I feel he is taking advantage of this virus crises. The court system is closed so what should I do to get her returned for my regular parenting time?
In California, I have Legal and Physical custody. Can I decide if it is safer for children to stay in my county of his is put on a suggested stay inside order. Plus he is still working in a very high traffic type job. He works on a casino. I am worried that he is not following CDC distancing prodical and by doing so putting my daughter’s at risk.
Hopefully his casino is not still operating? Possibly it is. If so, read on.
Having primary legal and physical custody does not allow a parent to decide to change court ordered custody or parent-time, so that aspect is not going to help you.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Good luck! Stay safe
Hi Valerie,
Have you been tested for the virus? If you have and you have a clean bill of health, that should end the dispute. New York, in my digging around online, has not issued blanket orders about parent-time during coronavirus. Therefore, your court orders are still in effect. If no one in either of your homes has been infected, parent-time exchanges should be happening. If you’ve missed time, ask for make-up time and always document all of these discussions in writing!
Now, there is the added factor of high risk. In some cases, parents are refusing to allow parent-time because they perceive (rightly or wrongly) that the child is in higher risk in the other parent’s home. For example, when Mom is a nurse who works in hospital with CoVid-19 patients. In high risk cases, parents are going to have to work together to make plans for the safety of the children. If that can’t happen, we are bound to see child-holding.
New York is now under Stay-at-Home and so it may be up to individual police officers to allow exchanges or not. Let us know how it’s going there. NYC is a petri-dish for the rest of us, unfortunately, because there are so many cases. What happens there is a harbinger of what will happen elsewhere. If you have been stopped from a parent-time exchange by an officer, please let me know.
Best of luck,
Rebecca
Is there anything I can do legally. My ex is willing taking our son to a town where there are confirmed cases of the coronavirus. Our currently town we both reside in does not have any cases at the moment. I live in Texas. He is with his dad for spring break and will not be back home with me until Sunday.
Simply proposing that parent-time take place in a town or city with confirmed cases is, in my mind, not going to be adequate to support failing to follow current court orders. For example, my city, Salt Lake City, has numerous confirmed cases but if families have a safety plan in place for co-parenting, they could easily have parent-time with very little increased risk to the children.
What would optimal is to have a co-parenting plan that both parties agree to. Here’s a sample of some provisions. If at all possible, try to work together. If not possible, make your best call but be prepared to deal with the consequences. Offer make-up time later in the year, etc.
Proving to the court that you proposed a reasonable plan will help you if you must go to the court for relief on this issue.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
Can you offer any suggestions for supervised visitation? Our non-custodial parent has Court-ordered supervised visits at Chuck E. Cheese, which is currently shut down nationwide. We are willing to facilitate an alternative visit, but public spaces are virtually shut down, and 2 hours at a park isn’t great because apparently the virus lives on surfaces for days and playgrounds are never disinfected. Additionally, weather could be a concern. Thanks.
Yes, the outdoors is one option if weather allows. Yesterday, I saw a Mom at the playground near my house disinfecting the swing set and slide ladder, etc. If that’s what it takes, be willing to do it.
For indoor options, supervision at one of your homes with a mutually agreeable supervisor might be an option if your court orders allow it.
Another option might be a mall. While stores at the malls are closing, some malls are staying open to the public so that seniors can still get their exercise. As long as you maintain social distancing from others and come prepared with disinfectant cleaners, you could create a safe space in a mall building.
You’re going to have to get creative and it may take some extra work to be safe, but it can be done. Good for you for not just shutting down the other parent as many parents are doing. You’re a good example in that you are attempting to safely co-parent.
Best of luck!
I reside in Utah but have an Arizona case; I have sole legal (decision making) and he has 50% parenting time. We have to travel by plane every 14 days until she reaches Kindergarten age. I just drove to Arizona by car as I am highly insecure with her catching it and/or worse being asymptomatic and passing it off to my ailing grandma whom I take care of. My ex has a live in girlfriend who is an ER RN so is one of the frontline healthcare professionals most at risk. We are defined as a high conflict and he is determined to continue to take planes for his transitions w/ her. I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my case but I am highly perplexed about my daughters health and risk to other people in our household.
Taking a quick look online, I did not see any general orders having been issued in Arizona about parent-time and the coronavirus. Occasionally you should check online to see if the state courts, or any particular district courts, issue a blanket recommendation or order.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court. Keep good documentation of your effort to be reasonable and make the best decision you can, then be prepared to deal with the consequences in court if you must.
Good luck! Stay safe
My ex and I enjoy joint custody. His wife lives in Colorado and he resides here in Our state. He visits frequently. He just returned from there 3 days ago and wants an interim visit during a long 3-week stretch I have during spring break. Generally I would foster any type of visitation, no question. I relayed to him my concerns, CDC guidelines and our employer’s recommendations, the Dod, of not traveling and practicing social distance. I relayed to him it was too risky since I have a household of 6, 4 of those children, my husband works in a busy military squadron and not allowed to telework, and my ex and I are teleworking. So much at stake.. the disbelief goes on with him saying he’s flying back to Colorado this Friday, two days from now, for another visit and will be getting our daughter for regular visitation after that. I want to enforce a 14-day quarantine; he says he can self -assess symptoms in as short as 4 days…but I offered him more time in lieu of the interim visit when she returns to him. However, now that she’s out of school, I fear he will put her on a plane next week and fly there for the remaining of his time, relaying I can’t control what he does on his time. I know that, but surely common sense has to come into play and cease travel un-necessarily and exposing her and others unnecessarily. It goes along with his character to do this type of thing but not sure I have a stance if I get our GAL involved. I’d hope she’d side with me but I just don’t know.
Hello, i live in NH. I have a question about the relief stimulus. I read that every adult would receive $1000 and $500 for children. My ex and I switch off and on every year for claiming our son on taxes. She claimed him this year. Would i still get $500 for him? Or would she because she claimed him this year?
Hi Matthew, The stimulus package has not yet become law so we don’t have a lot on the details yet. I’m basing this answer on what we know as of the evening of March 19th.
The proposal right now is that each adult would receive $1,200 (with a decreasing amount for incomes over $75,000) and children would receive $500. This would be based on the 2018 tax fillings, or 2019 for people who did not file 2018 taxes and have filed for 2019.
TO ME, and I could be very wrong, that sounds like the child’s check is going to the parent who claimed the child in 2018.
Now, what might a court says about who should get that money? We don’t know but the money is intended to assist during the coronavirus 2020, so presumably a court would want evidence about who was providing primary care during this period of time. If you share 50/50 custody or something along those lines, it is an argument (merely an argument, as we don’t know how courts will see this) that the other parent is entitled to some portion of that money.
However, lots of other variables could be considered by the court, such as income during the crisis, the child’s needs during the crisis, the amounts of child support paid or not paid, etc.
Needless to say, the government has not said one word about what happens in divided families and so we will only know as cases go to courts.
Best of luck
Involving the GAL is probably wise since that person is familiar with your case and should act in the best interest of the children.
Also, you could ask your attorney or the GAL if your State has issued any general orders about this. Here in Utah, 2nd District Court has issued general orders that say that parent-time is to continue as court orders say unless a child actually tests confirmed positive. (I find this to be a little crazy given that short of testing positive there are a lot of high risk factors that seem like they should matter).
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts (at least in Utah!) will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
Good luck! Stay safe
We have a current custody agreement, we are scheduled to pick her up tomorrow but received a text from the other parent stating they are going into self isolation because the government said to. We live in Michigan – while this may a recommendation it is not mandatory at this time. We have info that the other parent is still working and is not in self isolation – the childs birthday is this weekend and by order is to be with us, which now she says cannot happen. She has offered for make up time but with her track record this will be used against us in court later. We do not feel this is necessary at the moment while nobody has been quarantined. I made a call to our local friend of the court and reached out to our family lawyer who both say to follow the order because nothing states in the order that it can be changed due to a pandemic. We are at a loss, we hardly see the child as it is. Any advice would be great.
File contempt if refuses his time and remind other parent it is an active court order!!
As you’ve seen already, it is unlikely that you’ll get quick relief from the court. Hell, I didn’t even get back to you on your blog post before the birthday weekend occurred. So, delay is the court experience right now.
Document everything. Make note of your requests for parent-time and the other side’s response. Ask for virtual parent-time, phone calls, etc. Note the dates and times of your requests and then what happens from there.
Courts are all delayed right now because they are still figuring out there own in-house protocols much less getting to cases, so you have to start thinking of this in the long-term.
Be able to show that you’ve been patient and reasonable. Ask for make-up time during the summer, etc. That way by the time this gets to court for violating the court orders regarding your parent-time, you’ll have everything you need. Or even better, perhaps you and the other side can make a safe parent-time and exchange plan for the rest of the Spring and add make-up time later in the year, and avoid court altogether.
Note also that Michigan State has purportedly issued an opinion saying that not all parent-time need be in-person. Take that into consideration as you move forward.
Best of luck!
Hi I have over 14 months my son is living with me my ex-wife she has the custody when I got divorced my lawyers never told me that I had to pay the child support into an account since my son came to live with me I call child support so they can stop my payments I find out that I never pay anyting to her I have other proofs that I always pay my child support I had the money orders I sent to the child support and they only recognize $35,000 supposedly I owe her $70,000 they didn’t recognize 3 years because they say that it’s was like a gif from me I was supposed to give her the money until the judge approve the money that I was supposed to give her and some of the money orders there were old so they yes put $0 but I always pay my child support and my interest they when high she was waiting to my son turn 18 so she can cash the money . But I always pay my child support and a judge does not recognize all my money orders so it’s been 14 months even though my son he’s leaving with me I still got to pay here every month until the judge makes a decision if I stop making payments my license will be cancelled now I’m a self-employed I do lyft and with these Coronavirus it’s been pretty slow and I don’t have the money to pay my child support and I don’t understand why if my child East living at my house I got to pay her every month and she does not give anything to my son from the money did I give here also she got the link for 14 months she’s been using it for her I don’t have any of that stuff and I still got to pay for hem during the week . She was in jail because of fraud so she was fighting for the $70,000 that I owe her supposed so if some one can help me with any advice
Remember that I’m only licensed to practice in Utah and I can’t give specific legal advice online, regardless of the jurisdiction. However, let’s see what we can do to help you out.
It sounds like have three issues going on:
1. You believe you’ve made child support payments that aren’t being counted.
2. The child is now living with you and you’re wondering why you have to pay child support if the child lives with you.
3. Your work is slow and your income is down, and you want to know how that affects your child support.
On issue number 1:
It sounds like you’ve already been to court to determine whether your payments are going to be recognized or not. It’s left you with an arrearage of money that you have to keep paying. That might be why you’re still paying even if the child support program is aware that the child lives with you. It might be an arrearage payment you are making, not ongoing child support. Do you know? You should call your case worker at your child support program and find out.
On issue number 2:
Talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction about getting a modification of your child support order. I don’t know the law in your state, but in Utah, if the child support moves with the child so ongoing support isn’t going to go to your EX if you have the child. If your state is similar, then it may be an arrearage payment you’re making. OR it could be that you need new court orders to stop having to pay child support. Get a lawyer or find modification filing papers online at your court’s website.
On issue number 3:
Really, the same as above. If you get ahold of your child support office or file for modification of child support through the court, you should have the opportunity to show your CURRENT income and to show that the child lives with you. The law might require that you show a certain percentage of income change in order to qualify for modification (or some other standard).
I strongly advise you to go speak to an attorney, each month that is passing might be costing you money needlessly.
Best of luck!
Hi. This is really helpful. We have a contentious divorce. I have sole physical custody (it works out to about 65%) and joint legal custody. We are in Michigan and getting zero guidance from the courts or my attorney about shelter-in-place and I want to be prepared. Assuming everyone is healthy, do exchanges continue to take place? If not, who does our child stay with? If she is with her father when it’s put in place, does she stay there? Does she come back to me? Thanks for your help.
Are you continuing parenting time? We are also in Michigan and the other parent has just refused parenting time for who knows how long. We honestly dont know what to do either, especially if the shelter in place takes into effect.
I don’t know how reputable this site is but it purports to have info on Michigan’s stance on parent-time during the coronavirus’s Stay-at-home order.
https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/local/2020/03/24/answering-8-questions-about-michigans-stay-at-home-order/
“Q: How does this order impact my custody agreement?
A: Individuals may also travel as required by law enforcement or a court order, including the transportation of children pursuant to a custody agreement under section 7 (b) (3) of this order. Court ordered parent child visits and caseworker visits continue but these visits must not always be in person. Alternatives including telephone and videoconference are acceptable. The only time that an in-person visit is required is when we believe that child safety is at stake.”
This seems to suggest that you CAN do parent-time exchanges but you can also default to only virtual parent-time. But it’s a little confusing because it’s mixed in that social workers can do safety checks which has nothing to do with parent-time. Very strange, but that’s what we have coming out of Michigan at this point.
I’m only licensed in Utah, so I advise you to speak with an attorney there to help you with the specifics of your case.
Best of luck!
We have a medically fragile child and share joint custody. The fathers has several school aged children in his home And our child has a weakened immune system susceptible to viruses. I recently learned that those other children are still participating in team contact sports and sports related travel and practices even with the social distancing measures in place for our community. I have non emergency medical decision making within our court order as well as tie breaking decision making of non emergency medical. How can this decision making be used to ensure our child stays safe and is not placed at any risk during this coronavirus epidemic?
This is an excellent question. What you’re pointing out is that you have LEGAL custodial decision-making power over health related issues, and you’re asking how does that mesh with an order of PHYSICAL custody and parent-time.
Generally, in Utah at least, legal decision-making would NOT include anything that allows a parent to decide to stop or limit parent-time with the other party, including illness, risk of illness, etc. I have to somewhat assume that this is still true. It normally makes sense because if a legal custodial parent could use illness to prevent parent-time, there is a certain kind of parent who would simply claim the child was sick every other weekend.
I have no reason to believe that judges are going to use legal custody and decision-making as a way of circumventing parent-time even now in the face of this virus.
I could, of course, be wrong and you should talk to your lawyer or a lawyer in your jurisdiction. For Utah parents, I would say that medical decision-making is not going to be helpful in terms of parent-time restrictions here.
So in that way, you are in the same boat as all of the many other parents who have been contacting me through this blog, by phone, and by email.
As an attorney, I can never advise anyone to violate a court order. As a parent, I understand the desire to keep children as safe as possible. This is the balance we’re all going to to strike.
What would optimal is to have a co-parenting plan that both parties agree to. Here’s a sample of some provisions. If at all possible, try to work together. If not possible, make your best call but be prepared to deal with the consequences. Offer make-up time later in the year, etc.
Proving to the court that you proposed a reasonable plan will help you if you must go to the court for relief on this issue.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
My ex will not change, alter or add to the regular parenting plan and I can’t talk to jugde, lawyer, or even a court date because my courthouse is closed. I deserve extra time throughout this time off school but the ex is completely comfortable knowing I have No options and is legally kidnapping my 2 children because of a stupid, one sided outdated p.plan. Is there Anything else I can do to get my kids back when no law will help but they’d surely prosecute.
I live in Port Angeles Washington, by the way, Daniel Messersmith
In the short term, without access to the courts, it will be very difficult for you to get those kids. Perhaps the police will help (usually not, even at the best of times). If you have a lawyer, certainly he or she can start putting the pressure on. But you might simply have no current option.
Start documenting your efforts to have time with kids. Propose a safety plan (see other comments herein), propose virtual parent-time using a digital platform and document how that goes, propose safe exchanges, every thing you can think of to show that you have the best interests of the children in mind and your parent-time is at least as safe as at her home, if not more so. If you are able to EVIDENCE your reasonable requests and her unreasonable responses, you have set yourself up for the future. That doesn’t help you much now I realize but, as I’ve said elsewhere, we all need to accept that things might unfold during this time and we will see our children less. [That’s even true of intact families where the parent gets sick and the child goes to live for awhile with a healthy relative. Everyone is at risk of less child parent-time right now.]
However, the inability to work together NOW usually indicates a general inability to get on the same page, therefore your fight isn’t over. Evidence may help you get make-up time later, or even in severe situations, could assist in an argument to get a different custody arrangement. Talk to a lawyer in your jurisdiction to discuss options.
Best of luck!
Stay healthy
Thanks for the information. God bless
You’re welcome. Happy to help if I can!
Need advice! I am a WA state resident. My Ex had my kids last weekend. He willingly chose to take the kids to a COVID19 hotspot in our state, Everett, to a gathering with many of his relatives who live there. Without my approval btw. I was furious! His wife also works in a hospital.
They both take the virus lightly and laugh it off.
My children are now home and both have symptoms of the virus. Cough, fever and runny nose. I am beyond upset. I don’t want him to take them again until this is all over because of how reckless his actions were and that he potentially infected our household by his lack of concern. What legal actions can I take?
First thing first is that you need to have your children tested if possible. If they have the virus, that is going to take precedence over everything.
Having a parent not take the virus seriously is extremely fear provoking and as parents, our knee-jerk reaction is to keep the children in the face of the other parents apathy. A judge or commissioner could disagree with me about this, but in my experience simply being afraid that the other side is exhibiting poor parenting or poor decision making is not going to be enough.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I anticipate that courts will require a parent to show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk in general.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
You’ll have to force a conversation (and document it in writing) where you ask him what his safety plan is and if his response is crazy- that will be some evidence for you going forward.
Go get your kids tested!
Good luck! Stay safe
Hey so I was wondering about this me and my son father live in two separate states and we meet up in one state as far as his every other Sunday visitation with our son, now because when I come to town I live with my mom and my sister recently was in contact with the virus at her job and knowing my son it would be hard to try to get him to stay away from her living under the same roof is that enough reason to cancel the visit this one time just because everything is shut down in the state we meet in I don’t have any other relatives I could stay with that have room for me and my son and where I live is 6 hours away from the meet up state. So I can’t just leave on the day of the visit it’s way too far to travel on the same day what do you think I should do
Hi Briyana, Have you talked to him about the fact that your sister has recently had contact with the virus? Are you Mom and Sister now in quarantine? It seems to me that if they have had contact with the virus but now are self-isolating, a reasonable request would be to suspend that Sunday visit for two weeks to see make sure that Mom and Sister are all clear.
Offer him make-up time for any Sundays he would miss.
Document your reasonable offer and his response. Then make the best call you can. As a lawyer, I have to tell you that court orders are court orders, but as a parent, I understand wanting to keep your kids safe. Documentation of your offer for make-up time will likely help you.
More and more states are issuing general orders about parent-time during the coronavirus. Look online to see if your state (the state that issued your parent-time orders) has said anything about co-parenting during coronavirus. Some states are issuing orders saying you must follow court orders others are saying virtual parent-time is adequate, others are saying the child stays with custodial parent period. Research what your State is saying, it will help you assess your risk and make a decision.
Best of luck!
Hi there. I’m from Dallas, TX. I am the custodial parent. My ex-husband is a Dallas Police Officer. In addition to his job, he works an “extra job” providing security (in uniform) in an Emergency Room at a local hospital. This is of great concern to me because I feel this puts him in very high risk in contracting the coronavirus. His response to my concerns included accusing me of overreacting and communicating to me that the coronavirus is “just like the flu” and that he and my daughter are not a high risk group in danger of dying. I have NEVER denied him visitation in the 11 years we have been divorced. In fact, he is always free to to visit and take her whenever he feels the need. Can I temporarily deny him visitation based on my concerns?
I’m going to be annoying for a second here and repeat some info that I think is important. Please bear with me and keep reading.
I encourage all readers to read through all of the other comments. You are all clearly not alone in having to make some difficult decisions right now. My responses to others might be helpful to you.
First and foremost, I want to point out that I am a licensed attorney in Utah with 20 years of family law practice here. I’m also a Utah court-rostered domestics mediator. I am happy to help each of you with your questions but please keep in mind that 1. I’m not familiar with your jurisdiction, your court-orders, or the background of your cases. 2. I cannot give you legal advice in this public forum and without a conflict check.
What does this mean? It means that everything on this blog is to help give you guidance about options and what my history in family law tells me is logical. However, you really need to talk to lawyers in your own jurisdictions if you think that you are going to have a fight on your hands with the other parent. I’m also here to really promote that you should make your best efforts to come to an agreement with the other side. It’s not to downplay that many of you have a history in your cases of not being respected or listened to by the other side. I get that your experiences have largely been very bad with co-parenting, but in this case, the courts are going to be slow and inconsistent. You’ll be forced into taking matters into your own hands and I want you to be as protected as you can be- whether you decide to enforce the court orders or throw them out the window, I want you to understand your options and your risks. But again, it is important to get direct legal advice specific to your case from a lawyer who knows your case or at least knows your jurisdiction (and therefore the tendencies of your judiciary).
____________ Okay, now to your questions.
It increasingly appears that children are going to be out of school now for more than just two weeks. In some cases it will be from now through the end of the school year. That is a lot of parent-time and exchanges that would be missed. I have a hard time believing that a court is going to be okay with months of no parent-time to the other side. A few weeks? okay possibly. A month even? Perhaps because these are truly new and crisis circumstances. Longer? Unless the other parent is actually infected or someone in his household is infected, I strongly doubt the court’s going to be okay with no parent-time for long periods.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I believe that courts, when looking at parents decisions about not allowing parent-time, are going to have to do an analysis of whether the parent was being reasonable or not.
Reasonableness is going to be attached, it seems to me, to ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
In your case, you have an actual high risk scenario. Does that mean that you can simply deny parent-time? Your current orders are still in effect, so I doubt it. But if you propose reasonable precautions and can provide evidence that the other parent is not taking those precautions, it helps your position. All in all, we don’t know how courts see this. Each parent is going to have to make his or her best call, try to co-parent if possible, and then deal with the fallout that is sure to come.
Good luck! Stay safe
I share custody with my 2 children’s Dadin Louisiana. However he is a Doctor & works at an emergency clinic. My children are out of school due to the Vrus. I have them right now & I want to keep them until this blows over. I am so afraid that they will contract the Virus through their Dad. He refuses to let me keep them. Because he hates me more then he loves them. Is this an emergency situation? What can I do? Please! Help!
I’m going to be annoying for a second here and repeat some info that I think is important. Please bear with me and keep reading.
I encourage all readers to read through all of the other comments. You are all clearly not alone in having to make some difficult decisions right now. My responses to others might be helpful to you.
First and foremost, I want to point out that I am a licensed attorney in Utah with 20 years of family law practice here. I’m also a Utah court-rostered domestics mediator. I am happy to help each of you with your questions but please keep in mind that 1. I’m not familiar with your jurisdiction, your court-orders, or the background of your cases. 2. I cannot give you legal advice in this public forum and without a conflict check.
What does this mean? It means that everything on this blog is to help give you guidance about options and what my history in family law tells me is logical. However, you really need to talk to lawyers in your own jurisdictions if you think that you are going to have a fight on your hands with the other parent. I’m also here to really promote that you should make your best efforts to come to an agreement with the other side. It’s not to downplay that many of you have a history in your cases of not being respected or listened to by the other side. I get that your experiences have largely been very bad with co-parenting, but in this case, the courts are going to be slow and inconsistent. You’ll be forced into taking matters into your own hands and I want you to be as protected as you can be- whether you decide to enforce the court orders or throw them out the window, I want you to understand your options and your risks. But again, it is important to get direct legal advice specific to your case from a lawyer who knows your case or at least knows your jurisdiction (and therefore the tendencies of your judiciary).
____________ Okay, now to your questions.
From now through the end of the school year is a lot of parent-time and exchanges that would be missed. I have a hard time believing that a court is going to be okay with months of no parent-time to the other side. A few weeks? okay possibly. A month even? Perhaps because these are truly new and crisis circumstances. Longer? Unless the other parent is actually infected or someone in his household is infected, I strongly doubt the court’s going to be okay with no parent-time for long periods.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
I believe that courts, when looking at parents decisions about not allowing parent-time, are going to have to do an analysis of whether the parent was being reasonable or not.
Reasonableness is going to be attached, it seems to me, to ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
In your case, you have an actual high risk scenario. Does that mean that you can simply deny parent-time? Your current orders are still in effect, so I doubt it. But if you propose reasonable precautions and can provide evidence that the other parent is not taking those precautions, it helps your position. All in all, we don’t know how courts see this. Each parent is going to have to make his or her best call, try to co-parent if possible, and then deal with the fallout that is sure to come.
Good luck! Stay safe
What is the name of the form I need to fill out stating that I currently cannot pay child support due to the Carona virus mandate that has affected my business. I am not able to travel and I cannot be in crowds with more than 10 people, so I essentially cannot work since my business requires both (I do comic conventions all over the country and everything has been cancelled). I’ve already lost so much money this past month due to this and I have no idea when I’ll be able to travel and go to conventions again to get back on track. I’ve been making child support payments since 2006 and I’ve never missed a payment, so I’m no deadbeat dad. But nothing like this has ever happened before and it has taken my ability to make money away from me. This is what I call the bad time.
I don’t know how it works in your jurisdiction, but in Utah, the other people who can change child support are the courts and the Office of Recovery Services (ORS). If, in your case, you have never paid child support through ORS, then you have to seek relief directly from the courts. If you have paid through ORS, you can start by contacting ORS and see what, if anything, they can do.
In Utah, it is statutorily extremely difficult to get child support changed as a temporary matter. However, if you think your situation is basically permanent for the foreseeable future, you may have the right to request a change of child support. In Utah, you have to have a certain percentage of change of income (30%) or a certain percentage of change of the child support amount (10% or 15% depending on how recent the last court order).
Contact ORS, and/or an attorney, or look up the statute in your state to see what it takes to modify child support. If there IS a form in your jurisdiction (there in not one in UT that I’m aware of), the form should be available online at your court’s website or your state’s ORS website.
Best of luck!
So I’m the custodial parent and live in Florida my ex lives in tn. He has visitation for spring break, summer, thanksgiving and Christmas. I’m the one that wrote it out. I met him half way so he can have his spring break visitation and he now trying to tell me he gets to keep the kids cause the school is closed till April 15. Is this true ? My kids don’t want to be there any longer than the week also our 14 yr old has an import hearing test next week. What do I have to do? Our kids are 16,14 and 11
I am only licensed to practice in Utah, but as far as I can tell, there is no general order in any state that says that the coronavirus changes the regular orders of the court. If children will be in digital school starting next week, I do not see how anyone can legitimately claim that it is still “spring break.”
Utah, and other states, do have provisions that say that if a parent is out of work and a child is out of school, AND the days are contiguous (i.e. attached) to the holiday, the whole period is part of spring break and goes to the parent with the holiday. But it seems unlikely to me that a court would say that this coronavirus digital school time is “holiday time.”
The biggest problem is that courts are unlikely to be fielding parent-time issues right now. Utah courts are open but say that some hearings will be delayed. Check your jurisdiction, if necessary, you may have to go get an enforcement order.
Best of luck!
Hello i live in florida my ex and I have a bad divorce and we don’t talk much.
I have 51% custody and we are in a 50/50 agreement, if my son get sick from CoVid19 do i have legal right to keep him with me during this time?
The simple answer is no. It is not a legal right of the custodial parent to decide the other parent’s parent-time, even in a crisis. And with a 51%-49% split, even LESS so.
Take a moment to read some of my replies to other comments and you’ll see that there are arguments that can be made on both sides. Perhaps the comments will help you with some more information. Important to note, there are many issues to be considering aside from just the child becoming ill. We all need to think through what happens if we become ill or the other side becomes ill. Or someone in one of our households.
Make a plan and talk it over with the other side. I have some sample provisions to include in the plan- these are just ideas.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
Can you mediate in Ventura County, CA?
Thank you so much for this information, as far as I can tell, you are the only one supporting this issue.
Hi Joan, I’d love to mediate for you but if I were to do so, it wouldn’t “count” as having met the mediation requirement for CA. I looked it up and Ventura county would require me to fill out an application and go through a screening etc. So it would take time- perhaps I’ll do it and let you know. But you are likely looking for something soon. Everyone has the right to use any mediator they want and I can mediate for anyone. However, each state and sometimes each county has rules about what they will accept as a legitimate attempt at mediation. If you settle, it is not usually an issue because you have a new written agreement and that works, but if you don’t settle, you’d be forced to mediate again with someone recognized in your jurisdiction. Time and expense twice is not very appealing.
Anyone who WOULD like to use me to mediate and understands this limitation- or who is in Utah and therefore no problem!- I have online scheduling. https://longokura.com/utah-mediation/
Feel free to take some of the provisions that I’ve talked about in other comments and use them to talk to the other side.
Best of luck! Stay healthy!
Hi, my daughters dad gets her every other weekend. Well during this I’m nervous about her going over there. She’s 2 years old. With her being so little and my mom watches her while I work and my mom has a weakened immune system. What should I do?
Is the other side willing to work on a safety plan with you? Would that be possible through a mediator if not just between the two of you?
Proving to the court that you proposed a reasonable plan will help you if you must go to the court for relief on this issue.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
Hello,
I live in British Columbia and it is currently March break, I have just found out school is closed for the remainder of the year. I am fortunate that I am collecting employment insurance due to work shortages. I share custody of my child with my ex, I have more parental time because he moved to a different city 2 years ago. My ex comes here 3 weekends a month (share holidays 50/50) where he keeps a shared residence with one person who I believe is not there on weekends. The only way between the two cities since we are in a large island is via ferry, which sees 1000s of passengers each day in enclosed spaces.
He is expecting me to take our child on that ferry this Friday & then he would return a week later. The way it works is I go on the ferry as a walk on with my child, the ex picks my child up on the other side and then I walk back on, each way is 2 hours so that’s 4 hours of exposure. I’m extremely concerned and feel it is unnecessary for things to happen this way and will suggest my ex come here for the break since he can drive over and stay in his vehicle potentially both ways which is far safer. I can’t drive over and then drive back, it’s very expensive and it would potentially take me 7-8 hours to go round trip as you can’t just drive back on. I haven’t suggested this but my ex will try and demand we go on the ferry (he sent me an email today asking which ferry we are getting )but I know it’s the wrong thing to do. My long time partner that we live with has asthma and I may actually have it too. We are concerned about getting sick & concerned my child will be exposed to people in the ferry and in the other much larger city.
We have been social distancing at home, my partner is now working at home for the foreseeable future. We only go out to get outside exercise and see no one & have stopped shopping. My child seems happy with this new normal right now. Of important note is that my ex is high conflict and has a history of emotional, verbal, judicial and economic abuse and is controlling.
I am very scared and don’t know what to do but I feel the best course of action is for my child to stay here. Thank goodness the illness is mild for children, we live in a condo and not a house so it is hard to distance ourselves if my child had cold symptoms! Help!
I’m going to be annoying for a second here and repeat some info that I think is important. Please bear with me and keep reading.
I encourage all readers to read through all of the other comments. You are all clearly not alone in having to make some difficult decisions right now. My responses to others might be helpful to you.
First and foremost, I want to point out that I am a licensed attorney in Utah with 20 years of family law practice here. I’m also a Utah court-rostered domestics mediator. I am happy to help each of you with your questions but please keep in mind that 1. I’m not familiar with your jurisdiction, your court-orders, or the background of your cases. 2. I cannot give you legal advice in this public forum and without a conflict check.
What does this mean? It means that everything on this blog is to help give you guidance about options and what my history in family law tells me is logical. However, you really need to talk to lawyers in your own jurisdictions if you think that you are going to have a fight on your hands with the other parent. I’m also here to really promote that you should make your best efforts to come to an agreement with the other side. It’s not to downplay that many of you have a history in your cases of not being respected or listened to by the other side. I get that your experiences have largely been very bad with co-parenting, but in this case, the courts are going to be slow and inconsistent. You’ll be forced into taking matters into your own hands and I want you to be as protected as you can be- whether you decide to enforce the court orders or throw them out the window, I want you to understand your options and your risks. But again, it is important to get direct legal advice specific to your case from a lawyer who knows your case or at least knows your jurisdiction (and therefore the tendencies of your judiciary).
____________ Okay, now to your questions.
From now through the end of the school year is a lot of parent-time and exchanges that would be missed. I have a hard time believing that a court is going to be okay with months of no parent-time to the other side. A few weeks? okay possibly. A month even? Perhaps because these are truly new and crisis circumstances. Longer? Unless the other parent is actually infected or someone in his household is infected, I strongly doubt the court’s going to be okay with no parent-time for long periods.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
50/50 parent-time cases are a good example. I think courts will still expect 50/50 time unless a parent can show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care (and I mean reckless- not just different from what you would do)
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
You have this ferry situation- it’s a real risk but if the other side can come up with ways to minimize the risk, I don’t know think it’s enough that a judge would support cessation of parent-time. I could be wrong though- that’s the call you have to make. Consider talking to counsel in your area as they may specifically be running into cases where the contamination risk on a ferry is being litigated.
Good luck! Stay safe
My ex and I have a temporary visitation order that has been followed upon waiting for trial that was supposed to happen this Thursday but due to the Pandemic it has been canceled until further notice. Trail is due to me wanting to relocate out of state where my now husband in Texas. My husband has be in Texas for the past 9 months while I’ve been in Florida pending trial with 3 kids (in common with now husband) due to the pandemic I’ve believe it’s best that I move with my children to our home in Texas with my husband temporarily until it’s clear we are able to return back to work/ school.
I’m currently in contact with my attorney who will answer me tomorrow morning but I would like to get feedback if this is a good move on my end. Keep in mind I’ve tried to communicate with my ex regarding this and he has ignored me.
Your case is very specific and you should follow the advice of your counsel. To a UTAH judge, moving out of state is a very big deal and there can be lots of ramifications if you do it without a court order. I don’t know how your courts feel about it. Tread cautiously.
As with any other position that you take in a court of law, you really need to be able evidence why a move is in the best interest of the children.
Good luck!
Hi I live in toronto Ontario where we were declared a state of emergency. I have access every other weekend next weekend I’ll be picking up my children to come over to my house from my ex house. The problem is my ex isn’t allowing access until the virus is over. I’m not being exposed to any Coronavirus I haven’t travel nor do I work so do I still pick up my kids
Is she willing to work on a safety plan with you?
If your family is low risk, maybe proposing a safety plan will address the concerns the other parent has. Proving to the court that you proposed a reasonable plan will help you if you must go to the court for relief on this issue.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
Ex is asking for kid’s schedule to switch to what it is for the summer due to schools closing. I am unsure what to do. This would mean a big loss of parenting time for me. I also worry of what this could do to future custody? What are you recommending? Thank you so much for your time!
Thanks for the question. You should do what you think is best for the children’s safety and health. It may mean less time this year. However, you can take steps to make sure that this is unlikely to injure your long-term custody and parent-time. You should make your agreement in writing with details such as facetime parent-time or skype with the kids. Your writing can specify that you want make-up time over the summer. You can specifically say that you are only agreeing to this if the other side agrees that it cannot be used against you in the future in court in an effort to curtail your custody or parent-time. If the other side is truly doing this for the kid’s health, he or she should be willing to accept these types of terms!
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
What is your suggestion, Ex is asking for kid’s parenting schedule to be switched to summer schedule since no school? That would mean a lot of lost parenting time for me. Also I am worried how this could affect custody in future. Thank you so much!
Hello. We are in Michigan, and live 3 hours away from my step children. My husband and I went and got his kids for the weekend this past weekend and were supposed to exchange on Sunday at 6pm back to there mother. We asked Friday if we could keep them longer because of schools being shut down and not wanting them in daycare. She said no she was not giving up her time. Sunday at 1pm she messaged us and asked if we could meet on the 29th half way (she was supposed to travel the whole 3 hours to get them and then back as Sunday is her travel day and fridays are ours), that we could keep them until the 29th. We agreed. Now, that was Sunday, since then we have been told not to do any unnecessary traveling, our businesses have shut down all around the state including court houses to public now. If the 29th comes and we are under an even stricter advisement, we do not want to keep her from the children but we will not travel. I have 3 children of my own and stay at home. In the last month we had medical issues with them at their mothers including pinworm, ear drum broken and a 7 year old having to get a molar taken out because she has never taken the kids to a dentist… and she currently works at a medical office at the front desk. She does not have a steady place for them to take care of them besides daycare and I believe that is closed down. She is not a person that will be willing to talk about the best interest of the kids as she is all about her best interest (whole different story). We are afraid as her area is down in Flint where there is alot more people and we live in a very secluded area in the North where the exposure levels are way less as well. What would your advise be. We tried FOC to ask and we cannot get through to them. We dont want to get in trouble either for not returning them but it already seems like this is getting much worse and we want them safe regardless.
I encourage all readers to read through all of the other comments. You are all clearly not alone in having to make some difficult decisions right now. My responses to others might be helpful to you.
First and foremost, I want to point out that I am a licensed attorney in Utah with 20 years of family law practice here. I’m also a Utah court-rostered domestics mediator. I am happy to help each of you with your questions but please keep in mind that 1. I’m not familiar with your jurisdiction, your court-orders, or the background of your cases. 2. I cannot give you legal advice in this public forum and without a conflict check.
What does this mean? It means that everything on this blog is to help give you guidance about options and what my history in family law tells me is logical. However, you really need to talk to lawyers in your own jurisdictions if you think that you are going to have a fight on your hands with the other parent. I’m also here to really promote that you should make your best efforts to come to an agreement with the other side. It’s not to downplay that many of you have a history in your cases of not being respected or listened to by the other side. I get that your experiences have largely been very bad with co-parenting, but in this case, the courts are going to be slow and inconsistent. You’ll be forced into taking matters into your own hands and I want you to be as protected as you can be- whether you decide to enforce the court orders or throw them out the window, I want you to understand your options and your risks. But again, it is important to get direct legal advice specific to your case from a lawyer who knows your case or at least knows your jurisdiction (and therefore the tendencies of your judiciary).
____________ Okay, now to your questions.
She’s driving with the children, not flying. I think that, in Utah at least, the courts are going to see driving as a fairly safe alternative because their would be limited exposure aside from maybe a bathroom break at a low-population gas station. To say that the exchange cannot occur based on that travel is, in my mind is a dicey argument.
However, it seems that really your underlying issue is the children’s health and safety when they get back in the Mother’s care.
If you feel that you have legitimate safety concerns, start documenting them. If things continue as they are, be prepared that she will probably soon be saying that she is not going to work and is staying home with the children and therefore daycare being closed is not an issue. Is her job one in which she is likely to be exposed to the virus?
It sounds like she is the custodial parent. I would guess that keeping the children when the other parent is the custodial parent is going to be a much harder argument to make to a judge than a custodial parent keeping the children from a non-custodial parent who is exercising parent-time. I’m not saying that is RIGHT, I’m just imagining what is likely to be the court’s view. On the other hand, in Utah, the courts FREAK OUT if a custodial parent deprives the other parent of time.
In other words, courts will bend over backwards to allow parent-time with both parties! So if you’re going to consider violating court orders, you better be able to evidence why you think that extreme measures were necessary in your specific case.
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
50/50 parent-time cases are a good example. I think courts will still expect 50/50 time unless a parent can show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
I should say that I’m writing this in the vein of something all readers need to hear. I’m not saying that you, Sarah, are doing anything wrong. You’re not. You’re just trying to make the right decisions for the safety of your family.
Good luck! Stay safe
Most states do not appear to have ANY general orders that change the current order of the court. Meaning, there is no reason, absent some particular high risk situation, that parent-time should be changing. On the other hand, I think it is unlikely that courts are going to punish parents who come to an agreement to change parent-time during this crisis. As long as you are both in agreement and do what you think is best, I don’t think it has long term impact. Particularly if you DOCUMENT your agreement and make it clear that it is only because of coronavirus.
Is the other side willing to work on a safety plan with you?
If your family is low risk, maybe proposing a safety plan will address the concerns the other parent has. Proving to the court that you proposed a reasonable plan will help you if you must go to the court for relief on this issue.
For example, a safety plan could be as follows:
1. Both houses work from home and school from home with no playdates, guests, workers coming in, etc. In other words, both household commit to a fairly high level of self-quarantine.
2. Both households agree only go into stores (only the adults) for necessary groceries and personal care items, and no more than once per week for limited duration wearing gloves.
3. Both households agree to enforce regular hand washing protocols if there is any need to go into public, and at home.
4. Both households agree to not exchange any items (except for homework) when they exchange the child(ren). The clothes that are on the child will be washed and he/she will wear them to return. In each home he/she will have their own clothes, toys, etc. in an effort to decrease germs coming from one home to another.
5. Both households agree that playing outside in nature is fine but that they enforce not getting closer than six feet with other people while out in nature and will wash hands immediately upon return to the home.
6. Both households agree that exchanges cease immediately if anyone in either household has any symptoms whatsoever.
7. This is our plan until such time as school resumes for the child(ren). It is not intended to affect custody or parent-time long term.
Etc. Etc. Make it specific to your family and your concerns.
As you’ll see in the comments. Reasonable requests are good. Safe requests are good. But all parents need to anticipate that they may have less parent-time than they might like (that could even be the custodial parent if someone in their household has symptoms!). Write things down, work for agreements, and document everything. Do not worry that your current crisis decisions are going to permanently change your custody and parent-time; I only see that happening if parents are intentionally using the coronavirus as an excuse to UNREASONABLY prevent parent-time.
Good luck and stay healthy!
I desperately need advice. I’m currently pregnant in a high-risk pregnancy. I also have pre-existing conditions. I’m terrified of this virus.
My ex and I share custody of our daughter on an every-other-day basis. I stay home with my son while my husband works at a factory of 40 employees. My ex works as an electrician in commercial buildings. He has his parents & brother babysit my daughter during the day, then at night he either takes her home or to his girlfriend’s house. His girlfriend works in a medical office and sees many patients a day. She also has children of her own.
I’m panicked about our custody arrangement during this crisis because when my daughter goes with my ex, she’s exposed to multiple people in 3 different households each day. I feel like her chances of getting the coronavirus are so much higher with him due to all the exposure. If she could stay with me, the only person who leaves our home is my husband to go to work. I’m so scared she will catch the virus and although they say children are typically fine, I’m worried she’ll easily give it to me well before symptoms even show up due to our every-other-day schedule.
What can I do to keep her and I safe? I’ve asked him if she could stay here, but he says he’ll only allow her to stay for 2 weeks (and that I’ll owe him 2 weeks in the future.) This crisis is not predicted to die down anytime in the next 2 weeks. It’s not that I want to keep her from him, but I realize 2 weeks is likely not enough. What can we do to keep us all safe but still keep it fair custody-wise?
Your situation sounds high risk. Definitely take the two weeks. During that time, I would contact an attorney in your jurisdiction and talk to her about emergency orders or temporary restraining orders.
As I get more comments on this blog post, its very clear that “just discussing the situation and making an agreement with them on how this should work” is not always easy to do, particularly when the other side still thinks that there is no threat. Apparently, many opposing parties won’t even do a mediation by digital platform to discuss. Some will and it’s definitely worth pushing for.
For some of you, you’re simply going to have to try to access the court system to get orders. Perhaps if you ask for a telephone hearing with the judge, it will possible to get emergency orders within the two weeks buffer that you’ve got right now. You’re going to have to move quickly.
I think the police are about to have their hands full with domestic calls. As a lawyer, I can never tell someone to violate their current court orders, but as a parent, I strongly feel that people should be able to safeguard their children as they see fit and then deal with the consequences.
Remember to document everything. It’s better to have all of your discussions about this in writing so that you can show a court that you are tying to be reasonable.
I had heard a rumor that Delaware ordered that for the entire period that children are kept from school for the coronavirus, the custodial parent is automatically awarded the entire time. (That wouldn’t help in many 50/50 parent-time cases but it would help in a lot of others). I have since not been able to find any Delaware order substantiating this rumor. If any of you readers live in Delaware and have received an order of this nature, please let me know.
It would be GREAT if the courts would issue orders in every state saying exactly what they expect for co-parenting- whether it’s shared parent-time or no parent-time or any combination thereof- just knowing what the courts want would be helpful to families!
Good luck, stay healthy, and let us know if you get temporary orders and how that process was for you.
There is currently a temporary Parenting Plan in place allowing my ex to only have parenting time one day after school during the week and every other weekend. He is not able to have overnight visits unless they are supervised. The plan has been in place for 9 months and he could have petitioned the courts to reinstate the original parenting plan after three months of care under a therapists qualified to handle the type of issues that he has.
So far he has not filed a motion. He only pays for after care fees when school is in session and half of summer camp fees.
It will be difficult to support our child with school being suspended indefinitely during the corona virus pandemic and my ex has not offered any form of support during this time even though aftercare fees have been suspended.
I pay for more than half of our child’s expenses even though I earn less money than he does annually.
What legal advice can you suggest. I do not want him to have more parenting time given the concerns of his behavior.
In Utah, failure to provide child support or share in child related expenses is not a basis denying court ordered parent-time. If he files a motion for more time, you could definitely fight it by providing proof of your concerns. You may need counsel to help you; you might be able to do this yourself.
It doesn’t sound like your unwilling to provide him parent-time; your concerns are more financial. For the financial aspects of the case, I think the court is very inclined to follow your current court orders and/or the state law as to your child expenses and child support.
In Utah, those financial obligations are unlikely to change because of the coronavirus. However, if you are not getting what you are entitled to under the law, you should consider going to court to get it. Of course that has to be balanced with your risk of going to court and opening the door for him asking for more parent-time. You sound like you need to go get a consultation with an attorney in your jurisdiction.
Best of luck!
Hi…We live in Alabama & my son is supposed to go to Iowa with the father for Spring Break. He always returns ill just on regular visits. His last one was in January where he returned with a 106 temp. I’ve asked my attorney who said the Coronavirus is a good reason not to send him, and that the school mentioned it could isolate and/or quarantine a child that goes out of state for the break. I’m planning on letting him know that he won’t be leaving the state for the visit, Iowa is where the father lives. Was wondering what your thoughts on the matter are. Thank you!
Thank you for letting us know what lawyers are saying out there. It’s helpful for everyone who stops by the blog.
Have you talked to the other side about this yet? Maybe just based on the idea that the child will have to be quarantined upon return, Father will be willing to trade this spring break with additional time in the summer (or some other holiday).
If he won’t trade some time or see your perspective, you should follow the advice of your attorney who understands your case and knows your judge and jurisdiction. As I say in another blog comment, as an attorney, I can’t endorse violating court orders, but as a parent, I want safe healthy kids. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences.
Don’t forget to document your offers and his responses so that you can show the court!
Best of luck, let us know how it goes!
In the event of a mandated quarantine, will the children still be allowed to go back and forth to each parent? I have primary custody and fear if a quarantine is put in place while they are in his care, he will keep them the entire time.
This is the question of the hour. We don’t know what each court and jurisdiction will do. You need to get on same page with the other side. He probably has the same concern, so maybe there is some other agreement you can make. Write it down, agree to it (even by email).
If he won’t come to a reasonable agreement, you can consider turning to the court’s for an order, or you’ll have to make the best call you can as a parent.
Remember everyone! You might lose some parent-time. Things might go against you in the short-term. Keep your perspective. If the kids are safe. That’s the priority.
Best of luck. Stay healthy!
Hi, I’m in a similar boat as other commentators where my ex is refusing to believe COVID-19 is dangerous or even real for that matter. My son isn’t scheduled to go to his fathers until two weeks from now but I tried to discuss prior what will happen during his parenting time and if he plans to take precautions or what will happen if we aren’t allowed to travel. He refuses to answer and only threatens me saying he will pickup his son no matter what. I would have no problem sending him if he would just discuss what his plans are for the week(it will be spring break) and if he plans to practice social distancing and proactive measures. I’m sick thinking I’m going to have to send my son to someone’s house who doesn’t care about the current pandemic. The alternative is just as scary though although we have mostly remained out of court and I have a stellar track record of promotion visitation and even allowing extra time when the dad is available. He won’t discuss and definitely wouldn’t go to mediation. I’m just so frustrated and worried and feel likes it’s a lose lose no matter what. My husband is deployed and I have two other children I need to care for and I worry that I, an asthmatic, will be recklessly exposed and unable to care for my other children while my husband is out of the country and unavailable. I have absolutely no one nearby to help in the event I do get sick and incapacitated and I am just worried sick about the whole situation.
I would have you read my response to Shay here in this blog thread.
Definitely take the two weeks. During that time, I would contact an attorney in your jurisdiction and talk to her about emergency orders or temporary restraining orders.
For some of you, you’re simply going to have to try to access the court system to get orders. Perhaps if you ask for a telephone hearing with the judge, it will possible to get emergency orders within the two weeks buffer that you’ve got right now. You’re going to have to move quickly.
As a lawyer, I can never tell someone to violate their current court orders, but as a parent, I strongly feel that people should be able to safeguard their children as they see fit and then deal with the consequences.
Remember to document everything. It’s better to have all of your discussions about this in writing so that you can show a court that you are tying to be reasonable.
A reminder to everyone- if you are being physically threatened or intimidated by the other side- for example, the other side is coming to your house to get a child that you are not willing to hand over and you fear a physical altercation- have the police present! It is true that police hate being in domestic situations but they are there for your protection if you need them. Realize however that some police take it upon themselves to read court orders, interpret them, and try to act on them- this is a risk. You have to decide your amount of risk. Error on the side of safety!
Hello,
My 19 month old daughter spends about 30 percent of the week with her father. We have a rough relationship and he very often chooses not to communicate as a form of control. I’m trying not to create any problems but I’m worried about what the impact might be on my daughter if he is increasing his risk of exposure through a romantic relationship or multiple romantic relationships. In general, I feel like it’s none of my business but during this time- in which symptoms don’t appear right away or at all, it feels important to knowledgeably consider what is best for our daughter if he is potentially increasing his exposure and therefore hers. Do you have any advice on whether this is a topic I should bring up and what to do if he says he is romantically involved with another or other people? We currently do not have a legal agreement and are co-parenting using a therapist ( who is not available during this time) and our own independent negotiation which can be pretty volatile.
As an experienced mediator, I can tell you what WON’T work. Calling up your ex and telling him you want to talk about whether his new love interest or interests are going to infect your child with coronavirus. That is not going to go over well.
I would approach it more generally by asking him to work with you on a safety plan. Find four or five places where you and he can agree. For example, would he agree to not have playdates with other children during this outbreak of the coronavirus? If he starts saying yes to some reasonable terms then it is easier to discuss more volatile topics. If you can tell him the ways that you’ve made your home safe for the child, he will start to give examples of how he is making his home safe. (Why? Because Exes almost cannot HELP but try to compete with you!). At that point you can talk about the fact that you are not letting any outsiders into your home and ask if he is allowing that. That should bring up the issue without making it appear that you are actually interested in his love life rather than being interested in child safety. This softly couches asking about a girlfriend or bunch of girlfriends. Lots of people have new spouses and roommates, they all add risk to your kid. There’s nothing you can really do about that! But a safety plan will help you both feel that steps are being taken to safeguard your child.
I live in the state of Texas. My son’s father lives in Louisiana. I was told my son couldn’t attend school or daycare because there was a confirmed case from where he was visiting at his dad’s. I was told that since he was there, he would have to self quarantine for a week until he can return. He’s supposed to go back on Friday which would only be five days and then would make him have to miss another week. I’m at loss on what I should do. The father won’t agree to anything.
Hi Jade, I want to make sure I’m understanding. It sounds like your son is currently in Louisiana with his father and there was a confirmed case in the town he’s visiting. Because of that, your son is in quarantine for a week (that is just silly since it can take two weeks for symptoms to appear) at his Dad’s house. And you’re concerned because this means an additional week that Dad has your son rather than you.
Do I have that correct? Feel free to straighten me out so that I can be most helpful to you.
Because we are speaking of a relatively short period of time (one lost week of parent-time), I don’t think it will be worth the time and expense for you to go to court to order something different. Plus, the court may not be accessible so quickly. Further, in the current crisis situation, I think courts are going to allow quarantine’s without parent-time exchanges when the child has been in a facility or specific location with someone testing positive but that is a total and complete guess on my part.
In other words, I think you might have to ride out the short period of time, but I would absolutely be asking for make-up time later in the year and if he refuses, you can pursue that through the courts. There will probably be a lot of requests for make-up time filed in courts everywhere after the immediate crisis dies down. An attorney in your jurisdiction will be able to advise you as to the likelihood of success on that issue.
Best of luck and stay safe!
My partner who is divorced lives with me and my daughter; his 13 year old son stays at my place during weekend visitations and such. The child’s mother is enforcing extended stays for their son during this COVID 19 at my place and business as usual for the visitations. The child also lives in a part of town that is being contained due to large numbers of people infected by COVID. I don’t believe it’s in the child’s or me and my child’s best interest for my partners son to continue the weekend visits during the pandemic. What should I do?
In Utah, the custodial parent cannot force the non-custodial parent to take his or her time. I’m not sure about your jurisdiction. In Utah, if a non-custodial parent doesn’t take his or her parent-time, the biggest concern is that in the future, the custodial parent will use that refusal against the non-custodial parent. However, in the case of the coronavirus, it seems reasonable that a non-custodial parent could decline parent-time in order to contain the contagion. In your jurisdiction is it possible to force a parent to take his parent-time? It seems unlikely. The important thing is to DOCUMENT your reasoning, in writing, to her. You want to be crystal clear that this is not because you don’t want to see the child or that you don’t love the child, etc. If you decline time, make sure it is clearly about the virus and the risk to you and your child. That way you’ll have your written reasoning to show a court in the future if it ever comes to that.
My question is if the school has extended 1 more week after Spring Break has ended, does allow the non-custodial parent to make their own decision in extending their time with the child? The child is only 4 years and attends a child education center (daycare), but of course, follows the elementary school district calendar.
I encourage you to read some of the other comments in this blog and my answers, it might help you. I think that the courts are not going to be happy with anyone unilaterally deciding that they are entitled to parent-time based on coronavirus school closures. A decision needs to be made within the family. If you cannot come to an agreement between yourselves, I encourage you to find an online mediator. There are people like me who provide that service!
There is an argument that, in Utah at least, the spring break according to the code, in 2020 it goes to the custodial parent. But does that mean that all school closure appended goes to the custodial parent? What if it is a full month? No parent-time for the other side? This seems really unlikely to me. It would be wise to get an agreement in writing with the other side and that agreement is going to need to share parent-time unless there is travel involved that cannot be accomplished by driving. In the case of air travel, I think parent-time is going to be much harder to resolve.
Interstate travel bans are now being discussed by media- Courts are closed for all civil cases in our city. CDC is recommending against travel within US and with people not regularly seen. Custody Orders gives joint legal- if dispute over medication up to Dad. Sole physical to Dad- break visits (summer- easter- winter) times with mom. Mom then moved to another State – where there are deaths from virus in her county. Mom claims lives in tent with new husband at her parents house. Media referenced potential of marshal law to enforce travel restrictions (among other issues) which would prevent return of children to Dad. Mothers parents are over 65 should kids stsy in house eith them is a concern. Offered 1 week extra during summer in lieu of easter 1 week time. Mom is not concerned by virus and her parents continue to fly in and out of hotspota. Would Dad really be in trouble to deny easter visit given rapidly changing health issues?
Sticky situation. The thing that grabs my attention are 1) She’s living in a tent, 2) travel restrictions, 2) you offered an alternative in lieu of Easter, 4) she and her family are not concerned about the virus and demonstrate it by travel in and out of a hotspot.
While I could never even guess what an individual court or judge is going to do on a particular case, you seem to have some pretty defensible points. Is she willing to compromise and discuss? Would she be willing to attend mediation virtually? Is she likely to go to the court if you don’t sent the kids for Easter?
In the final analysis, you’ll have to make your best call and do what you think is right. Notably, ALL PARENTS SHOULD BE WRITING DOWN attempts to solve this problem. For example, proof in writing of efforts to offer alternative parent-time, offers of virtual parent-time, efforts to discuss the situation, refusals to send kids, etc. Each parent should be stockpiling proof of why you had to make the decision you made. If they send a text showing that they are not taking the virus seriously, print it out and keep it in a file. If you offer alternative dates or propose driving rather than flying, document it. Proof proof proof. This is what will protect you ultimately. If decisions are reasonable and do not seem INTENDED to harm the other parent or her relationship with the child, you’ll have a better chance of the judge agreeing with you.
The day my children were scheduled to fly for my residential time under my parenting plan, my ex sent me a message saying that she was not sending them, citing coronavirus fears. She made no attempt to try to work something out with me ahead of time. Weeks before the trip she threatened to not send them unless I sent her extra money that I do not owe to her. This is not the first time she has unilaterally tried to prevent or disrupt my time with them and she repeatedly disregards my parental rights in violation of the parenting plan. She is unwilling to collaboratively work through conflicts such as this. I get the coronavirus fears, but I am not okay with custodial interference. What do you recommend?
If you think mediation of the issue is likely to be a waste of time and you have proof that she was making up excuses to deny time regardless of Coronavirus, you could file in court in order to force compliance with your court orders. But realize that you need to have a plan of how to deal with the Coronavirus and travel. We have a number of clients driving huge distances to have parent-time. It’s inconvenient but it is an option in some cases.
Can you mediate for California?
Thank you.
California doesn’t have specific requirements for mediators except in child custody cases. In child custody cases, each county has a rule. If you tell me what county you are in, I can call the family court there and see if they will accept my qualifications. This is taking the best approach in case you later need to go to court on these issues- California appears to have a mediation prior to court rule. If you do not feel that it will go to court regardless than we don’t need to worry about the rule and you can use any mediator you want! Let’s check with your county though. It’s an easy phone call and would put you ahead in case you do end up in court.
Being a substitute school teacher, once school was cancelled so was my paycheck. Fortunately both my ex and I are able to continue to care for and educate the children during this time. His job is flexible and mine ended. They just began mentioning travel restrictions, and mandatory quarantine, and it occurred to me what if other parents were now UNABLE to transport the children due to travel restrictions. I found this post so helpful I forwarded it to my ex. Great food for thought. Thanks for thinking ahead!
Hey! Thanks for the words of encouragement! I’m glad that this was helpful to you. If you and your former spouse come to an agreement, please let us know here on this blog. It will encourage others to know – perhaps they too can successfully have this difficult conversation!
If the non custodial parent picked the kids up from school friday for his regular weekend and now that school is closed is saying that the utah parent time code says he gets to keep the kids until school is back in session is that right? Our court order says use the state code. He says because school is closed that means the kids are his for the next two weeks while school is closed.
Utah Code Annotated 30-3-35(2) says:
“(i) If a holiday falls on a weekend or on a Friday or Monday and the total holiday period extends beyond that time so that the child is free from school and the parent is free from work, the noncustodial parent shall be entitled to this lengthier holiday period.”
This weekend was not a holiday so I’m not sure where in the code the non-custodial parent is relying on his position. There is no equivalent provision for a mere weekend.
However, this COULD still apply if the time of school is going to run into SPRING BREAK. In Utah, these two weeks (or more) that schools are closed because of the Coronavirus are definitely going to run into spring break for some kids. If the holiday of spring break bumps against this time off school for the virus, a parent could argue that the entire time off is that parent’s parent-time. THEORETICALLY this code could apply and the whole time would go to the parent who has spring break in even-numbered years. Incidentally, the CUSTODIAL parent is awarded spring break per the code for 2020, not the non-custodial parent.
On another of my blog posts I had a similar question about the coronavirus and a parent demanding the entire time off school. I think my answer applies in your case as well: https://longokura.com/new-holiday-standard-minimum-parent-time-in-utah/
Here is my answer verbatim:
” In Utah, while it is true when a parent is free from work and a child free from school, it follows Utah code that additional days would normally be appended to the spring break and the parent whose exercising spring break would get the longer time. However, I suspect that with many states declaring an emergency, all bets are off as for predicting how this additional time off school because of Covid-19 will be treated. I don’t think we can assume that it is actually considered spring break. At least not in Utah. I can’t tell you anything about the laws of other states and you should ask your local attorneys. But as I say in my blog post about the Coronavirus and co-parenting, it is vital that parents work to get a special Coronavirus plan in place and written down. The courts are going to be slow in handling new situations (Utah courts issued an order yesterday March 13, 2020, saying are open but many hearings will be delayed) so the absolute plan of action is to get something figured out with the other side, written down, and filed with the court as a temporary agreement only to be applied as you say in the document.
I’m a court-rostered domestic mediator and I’m doing electronic mediations for this very purpose and I’m sure others are as well. Good luck and stay safe and healthy.”
I would add that it is not the norm for a court to allow extensive periods (more than two weeks) of time away from one parent or the other unless there is good reason. What is “good reason” in this case of national emergency is hard to know.
Hey, I see others are having similar experiences.
I believe what Courtney was asking about is 30-3-35 2b-iv which talks about parent time extending because of snow day, teacher prep day ect.
What are your thoughts about this?
I guess with everything else the Custodial parent could have said that they have the kids due to Spring Break.
Thank you for your time!
AH! YES! It just goes to show that no matter how many times I read this statute, there’s so much to it that it’s easy to forget or miss something.
You are very right, this does talk about days contiguous to the weekend.
So now, it becomes of question – is this contiguous to last weekend or to spring break, as you point out?
As I mentioned in other comments- I think that the court’s are going to have a hard time with any all or nothing approach. In Utah at least, my experience is that the courts are aware and wary of anything that looks like unreasonable removal of quality time with BOTH parents.
Good luck, stay healthy, and thanks for your comment on the blog.
I’m custodial parent. I’m taking the corona virus seriously, however, their mother is not. I asked her to keep the boys at home and she went to a friend’s house. Now my kids are back with me and I’ve been exposed to all the people she has had the kids around. I want my boys safe. She isnt trustworthy and will lie. Should I just get a mediator?
Yes, my recommendation for pretty much all co-parenting right now is to go to mediation (electronically) with the other side. Here are some reasons why:
1. The courts are going to be struggling to keep up. Utah courts have issued an order saying they are open for business but many hearings will be delayed.
2. Remember, hiring a mediator is not the same as hiring an attorney. I am an attorney who is also a court-rostered domestics mediator but when I am a mediator, I am not acting as the lawyer for either side. My job is to help both sides be informed of the law, to consider their options, to assess their risks, and to come to a mutual agreement using my 20 years of family law expertise.
3. Mediation allows both parties to be heard. It is very difficult to talk about what happens in someone else’s home. Usually, attorneys advise their clients to keep to their own business and not try to dictate the other person’s parenting. But in the case of a pandemic, that is less realistic because what happens in each home affects the other home! So, there HAS to be a discussion if you are to get anywhere and mediation allows each person to voice their viewpoint and work toward a resolution. The mediator can also provide facts that can help parties more toward an agreement.
3. There is nothing to lose by attending mediation. If you can’t agree, you can’t agree. But within a short period of time you’ll know whether you’re going to be able to come to a compromise or not.
In this case, because children are at risk, I think most parents will be able to come to a middle point that satisfies both households. When people are scared sometimes they go into one of two extremes: DENIAL or PANIC OVERKILL. With the assistance of a mediator, you’ll have help finding a reasonable but safe middle way that can be found and tailored to the needs of each family.
Best of luck and stay healthy!
My children’s Dad is a Doctor in an emergency clinic. But because he hates me he will not work with me. I am declaring an emergency to keep my children safe.
Also having the issue of the other parent not taking this seriously and raking the children from friends house to friends house. What authority do we have and is there anything we can do?
CS,
The first thing to do is get online and search whether your State has issued any orders about co-parenting and the coronavirus. More and more states are issuing flat orders that tell parents whether the courts expect strict-compliance with court orders (Utah) or whether they think virtual parent-time is usually sufficient (Michigan), and there are other states with other views.
Based on what your court is saying and your court orders, you have to go from there.
Some states are in lock-down and are not expecting parent-time exchanges. It’s getting hard to predict what any judge will do because the orders being issued are all over the map!
As an attorney, I would never advise someone to violate court orders. As a parent, I understand the need to do whatever it takes to safeguard kids. That being said, judges and commissioners are very good at sniffing out anything that looks like an unsupportable or unreasonable attempt to prevent the other parent from having his or her time. This goes both directions, custodial, non-custodial, or in all of our many 50/50 parent-time cases.
50/50 parent-time cases are a good example. I think courts will still expect 50/50 time unless a parent can show that there is ACTUAL HIGH RISK in the other parents home. Not just a theory that the other parent is higher risk.
Actual factors would be:
1. a parent works in health care and will have direct care of Covid-19 patients
2. a person in the home is infected
3. a person in the home has recently been in contact with someone who is confirmed infected
4. a parent has indicated a lack of basic care items, i.e. food, utilities, water, basic necessities.
5. a person has evidenced a reckless disregard for the child’s safety and care
These are just examples of the type of thing that could help you make a decision. Simply believing that the other parent is not a good parent and you are a better parent is probably not going to cut it if you end up in court.
Remember to be writing everything down. Showing the court that you’ve tried to be reasonable and the other side will not be reasonable is likely to help you in the future if you ever have to go to court to answer for your decisions at this time.
Best of luck, stay healthy!
Great article. Ahead of the curve.
What about conflicted co- parenting Situations where the two parents households differ on the measures to take regarding social distancing and isolation. If one family does not take this situation seriously and the other family takes it very seriously and there are children on both sides what to do?
I strongly recommend using an online mediator to come to some decisions. You may have to offer to lay the mediators costs. Usually it’s 1/2 each party but if something is not important to the other side, sometimes you have to incentivize them to participate. You can tell them that the mediator is open to hear their position. Which always should be true. Well-trained domestic mediators like myself want to allow both parties to be fully heard and then we can help look for common ground.
In this situation, because the virus is moving quickly in our community, the sooner you can get on the same page, the better.
Mediators can also make the call proposing mediation to the other side FOR you. That way we can do it very neutrally. It’s up to you. Good luck. I hope that this helps. Stay safe and healthy.
Good example but my question was more along the lines of i never recieved my child support payment from the courts on friday? Could the virus have something to do with that?
Hi Nicole, I don’t think so. The agency that collects child support and issues child support checks is The Office of Recovery Services (ORS). I just did a quick check and it appears that ORS is open as usual. So you should have received your check as usual. I would contact them on Monday.
Just for the information of anyone reading this comment, yesterday Saturday March 14,2020, Utah courts issued an order saying Utah courts are “business as usual” for the time being but some court hearings will be delayed.
Thanks for the question!
Your blog post about custody and the novel corona virus was well received by me, a father with custody issues. Thank you. You are ahead of the curve
@Story Mann
Thanks for stopping by the blog. I’m glad it was helpful. If you need help making a plan with the other parent, please let me know and I’d be happy to help.
Do you know any format for making agreement, pls let me know.